Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lots of choice!

Some of the names people have been calling me lately based on hair length:

Stallman ... courtesy CoFSUG

Zakir Hussain / classical singer / sitar-vaadak ... courtesy Enthu , Laguba Jr, five others

Einstein ... courtesy my aunt

Yanni ... courtesy my cousin sis

Sathya Sai ... (WTF!!) ... courtesy my neighbour

Gundaa ... courtesy Khasgi

Sanyaasi ... courtesy Das

Bhope-Bhaau ... courtesy my younger brother (who ended up with a sore arm)

Aragorn ... (flattered, honestly) ... courtesy, an LOTR loving friend

Pied Piper from Reliance ad ... (most flattered, thank you) ... another friend whom I cheekily told that that guy copied me.

So take your pick because I still havent got bored of looking at my reflection.
Although each one is entitled to their own opinion, people selecting the last two options might find it to their advantage, more so if I gain enormous wealth and power in the near future :P

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I want one too...

Disgruntled at the world ? क्या आप दुनिया से परेशान हैं?
...हाँ!
Everything you do is getting screwed up? कोई काम ठीक नहीं होता?
...हाँ !
Think the rest of humanity is just out to crush you and your identity? क्या पूरी दुनिया आपको और आपकी पहेचान को बर्बाद करने में जुटी है?
...हाँ भाई हाँ  !

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Mr. No Koda Ofconduct
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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Good Cop or Bad Cop

The Pune Traffic Police has a special talent for laying revenue traps. They set up new entry restrictions and traffic lights in places where none existed and surprise hapless motorists.
The other day, one such dead signal suddenly went active on University Road and a couple Pulsar riding cops lay in wait. I was unfortunately, stuck behind a bus.
The mass of the bus made sure I couldn't see the signal which had gone red just as he was passing, and the driver's civic sense ensured that I would not come to know of its presence till he had broken it. So as he jumped the light, I followed, not knowing there was  an active light there in the first place.
At the last moment, when I was past the point of no return, I see the red light, and the cop on the Pulsar revving up with glee.
I continued riding for a few meters, and seeing the Pulsar in my rear view, with the cop waving wildly at me, decided to pull over.Following conversation at the edge of the road:


Me (pocketing my bike key as the cop pulled up beside me):
Im really sorry officer I did not see the light. The bus blocked the view and jumped the light. And this light was defunct till early this morning.

Cop: Well its on now and I saw you break it with my own eyes.

Me: (to myself) Why does he have to say own eyes? So filmy...maine apni aankhon se dekha

Cop: Licence and PUC.

I showed him the cards. Convinced, he started looking for some other excuse to take my case.

Cop: Why is your licence plate like that?

Me: Because I haven't got it painted yet. But I know its not illegal this way. As long as the number is same as my vehicle registration.

Before he could ask for it I pulled it out and showed him the vehicle registration card.

Cop: Hmmm... that's ok.

Gave me back the cards, but he showed no sign of giving me back my licence.

Cop: You will have to pay the fine and make a receipt for jumping the signal.

Me: No problem sir. My mistake. Please give me the receipt, I'll pay.

Cop: I don't have the receipt. You will have to go to the station.

Me: All right. But I am in a hurry and I must go to the station now. But I can't ride without my Licence, so you will have to come with me to the station.

Cop: Ok. The fine is 600 bucks. Will you pay?

[I know that according to Motor Vehicles Act 1989, the Maximum fine for signal jumping is Rs. 100. This is where the fun starts ]


Me: Ok. I don't even know where the nearest traffic chowki is. Please take me there or ride with me there, officer (the word 'officer' adds a different touch to the conversation when speaking to cops).
I will have a look at a copy of the MVA Offences-Fine list at the Chowki. Whatever fine it lists I will pay.

Cop: O-k (reluctance oozing from voice and face)

I got on my bike, started it up. He started it and we rode side by side for another 15-20 meters. He was riding at 15 km/h which forced me to ride as slowly. Following conversation took place in motion:

Cop: Are you really in a hurry?

Me: Yes...officer.

Cop: Well the Chowki will waste another 30 mins of your time.

Me: No problem sir, its my fault.

Cop: You look like a student.

Me: I am one.

He handed me my licence back.

Cop: No need to come to the Chowki. Take care not to do this again.

Me: I'll be careful. Thank you.

In Retrospect: 

Now was this guy looking for a bribe? 
Was he thinking that I won't have 600 in my pocket (I did not) and will try to get away by bribing him a hundred odd...no receipt given...no reporting and collection at the Chowki...easy money. 
Did the prospect of going to the Chowki, resulting in me confirming from that book, that the fine was NOT 600, and then possibly reporting him to a bigger Officer, change his mind?
Also he did not so much as try to stop the signal jumping bus. Size-does-matter anyone?

Or did he decide to be nice the polite student who seemed to have made a mistake and whose papers were in order and who called him 'Officer'?

To blow my own trumpet, if the fine was actually 600, I would have paid  it  ..from my own little savings at that.

Morals of the story for me:


It does pay to know the rules and follow them and accept punishment if you break them.
Also, going through a list of traffic offences and fines as per MVA 1989 section 119/177 is very very useful and will help you if khaki tries to rob you.


And last but not least: 
Overtake the friggin bus.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Ek saal baad...

One year later...

The operational readiness of the Mumbai Police, far from improving, is being further delayed by blame games.

NSG hubs lack basic amenities.

Instead of buying better guns and ammo for the Police, the Government is spending money on insulting Shivaji by erecting a giant statue along a coast which is a free playground for terror ferries.

The two Ministers who were removed as a token gesture are back in the chairs. One of those chairs in Delhi. Talk about blessing in disguise!

The attacks haven't stopped. Twin blasts last week in Assam. It took the FBI to nab the Headley dude.

The PM runs to (Oba) Ma to complain about the bad kids in the neighborhood instead of standing up to them.
The culprits will be brought to book says his feeble voice.

News for Dr.Singh : The culprits of 1993 are still chilling out. And a few months ago your ally down south released three men convicted in bomb blasts during his birthday celebrations.

As for the neighbouring government , (which is still assumed to be in charge), we are giving in to all their delay games.

The President is busy clogging traffic, shopping in Mexico at state expense and wasting military fuel by getting free rides in Sukhoi's as a PR exercise (awesome perks you get for being Commander in Chief of The Armed Forces !) while the aging Air Force struggles to achieve the credible minimum deterrent.

The great war that our soldiers are engaged in is one which has been directed against our own poor countrymen, by corrupt governments who have sold their souls to the mining-SEZ lobby and transformed peaceful jungles into Naxal-Paramilitary  war zones...with a little unwanted help from the Other neighbours.

Looking into our minds, we know that we are not safe, and the existing machinery has failed to protect lives, and can fail again at any time. Its a clock whose ticks we can hear but choose to ignore till annual memorial days of such attacks. We have had a Black Friday, Bloody Monday ,Terror Tuesday...every day of the week.

Cynical ? True.

(the actual state of mind in which one might write, read or accept the above text is so fuzzy...)

I like this


 Courtesy: XKCD

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Nuremberg needed in Ayodhya

Almost six months after it entered, the cat of the Justice Manmohan Singh Liberhan Commission Report is finally out of the bag.
The people it indicts (need they be named here?) are crying "cheating, cheating" like kids playing hide and seek.(Obviously, you don't expect them to pop champagne...)

Those who kept the truth hidden from the Nation, even when it spells trouble for their political rivals are sorely disappointed now that their trump card has slipped out of the sleeve. Maybe they were waiting for another trump card called Gujarat Riot Probe so that they could have a good hand by the time Gj and MP came up for assembly elections.
After all, no one would mind if a report that took 17 years to complete took another 2-3 to be tabled in Parliament.
The Action Taken (?) Report is another example of the standard actions taken by our governments in such matters. Setting up of  new Commissions, an increased load on the EC, a couple of new Bills and Amendments to keep Parliament noisy and the President('s) rubber stamp wet with ink.

Trial and punishment to those indicted ?... why, whoever heard of such a thing in this country?
Then again the punishment given to tired old men (because thats what the culprits are now) will be lenient, especially when they are people in really high places.

Commissions and Bills...will they unite our religiously divided society? Or teach the generations to come the value of unity?
Ayodhya, Babri, riots, 1993 and Liberhan will never find their way into history books (because children have to learn about our glorious freedom struggle thrice, don't they? ) and even if they do, into unbiased ones.

Our generation and the ones to come are left to piece together from the old timers in their families and popular culture, what exactly happened, and so most will learn the religiously bigoted versions, on both sides of the communal divide, because our older generations are essentially bigoted.
(Quite an accusation, but just try analyzing the religious tolerance levels of the older members of your family).

Only one thing can hope to slightly correct this great mistake and that is trial and severe punishment of all those indicted by the Liberhan report, with proper media coverage so that the people know who is being punished, how much, and for what, and making sure that generations to come know this dark chapter of our history.

If the government is moral enough to carry out the punishment , it could be said that the election was not a complete mistake.

But the trump card approach has already shown that the government is all set to do as it pleases because there is no opposing force powerful enough. So even if it does carry out the punishment now, the motive will be, clearly, the systematic ideology-execution of their greatest political rivals and an assurance of power, so that there is no one with the political will to pursue the culprits of Bofors, 1984, Bhagalpur, et al.

It is high time we realize that this immoral government which we have elected "because the others are worse" will soon be becoming just like them, maybe even worse. We all need to do something, the least of which is, having an idea of what is going on.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Vengeance

Vengeance is a sweet dish.
Diabetes is a reality.
Control consumption.
Or it will consume you.