falconer

Stop. Think. (aka My Last Post On This Blog)

2010-11-10T21:29:00.000-08:00

First things first.

To all my friends (and some Anonymous people), who have taken time out, over the last three years to read, appreciate and comment on my political commentary, some useless banter, geeky rants, college experiences, trek adventures, film criticisms and whatever else I wrote here,

Thank you.

Secondly: Why is this the last post on this blog?

Whatever I write, I try to make a point with it. Even the seemingly useless stuff has come contorted logic behind it, leading from some point I want to make. Okay, but that's my point. Why should I be making you read what I write by putting yet another Blog on the crowded Internet? Why should you be putting your time in my writings? In what way am I being useful to you? In what way am I enriching your life?

I presume (and hope), that maybe you enjoyed reading what I wrote, maybe you enjoyed thinking about it, or maybe enjoyed agreeing or disagreeing with it. I most certainly enjoyed writing.

The ability to communicate is the gift of humankind. The written word is powerful in particular. I realise that it should be used for the greater good, even if you are communicating with a small group of you own friends.

Whatever I have written here, did it contribute in some way to the greater good?

Yes, if you thought about some of the more socio-political writings or found in you the urge to act on it. (I am proud of those posts, I am happy when friends and classmates tell me that they 'thought' after reading some of those.)
No, if it was just some random post which has no earthly business on this powerful medium of mass communication. But overall, I'm not really "making a dent in the Universe", as a great man once put it. (He also said "..otherwise why even be here?")

Thus, I infer that it is time for me to introspect. To study more, know more and do more. To think more and deeper. To be better, to grow up.

When I feel that my writings deserve to be read, I shall blog again. I may be wrong at that time too, but its the improvement process that's more important than the product.

I close this blog, happily. I sincerely hope I never bored any of you (including now :P).
If it all, most of the readers of this blog have enough access to me to give me a punch or two for it.

- falconer

A list

2010-10-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

Post 100: A list I'd made for the final year in college:

Photograph the entire campus over the course of the year. [Ongoing]
See the rest of MindSpark [done]
Watch at least one Purushottam and Firodiya show.
[done in third year]
Go to Mood-I [pending]
Learn the Kayak [pending]
Publish a paper [pending...]
Do not get stressed during submission season [done] :)

After the Battle

2010-09-25T05:13:00.000-07:00

The battle had ended.
The field of the Kurus, as it would be known thereafter, lay strewn with the spoils. All the Kauravas had fallen, and the Pandava armies had been slain on the eighteenth night by the treachery of the son of Drona. The twelve warriors who lived in the end, went to the Grandsire, to seek his blessing. Lying on the bed of arrows, he was in the grip of death, but his soul would not depart his body till he willed it, such was the boon the Gods had given him.

The Grandsire asked the Five, what shall you do now, my noble children? To which they said, "We have slain the unjust and given those who fell an honourable passage to the afterlife, by completing all their last rites according to scripture, even the corpses of our enemies. Now we can rest." Yudhisthir though, remained silent, for it was always the younger who had the right to speak first in those days.

The Grandsire was disappointed, his face fell. He then asked the eldest, "Agree with your brothers, you do not. Speak, Ajaatashatru, what will you do now?"

And the son of Dharma spoke thus,

"O Grandsire, taker of the great oaths, he who lived his life by his word, and fell in battle to keep it, we shall fulfill your promise. Our war is against Injustice and mere slaughter of the unjust shall not realise this aim. We have won a battle, but the war lies ahead, in restoring the families whose sons and fathers this war took away. In securing the great Aaryavarta from all sides, so that foes from yonder, who penetrated our borders while we fought amongst ourselves, do not gain ground.
We have to make this bloodied field yield gold once more and the rivers run clean once again, make the birds of carrion return to their usual subsistence on wild beasts. Never should they feast on dead warriors again. That is how your father ruled and for that Peace was this war waged. If we rest now, we will never be able to establish the order. Hence, we shall take up the bow again, and the plough. And the scripture and the healing herb.

Forgive my brothers O Great One, the wounds of battle are still fresh on them. Forgive them like you forgave Karna. Forgive me for my trespass against my own master Drona. Forgive us for destroying the Race of Bharata. Bless us so we may redeem your final pledge and redeem ourselves"

The Grandsire was pleased and moved to emotion and he said "As long as any Bhaarata has in his heart, Truth and Justice, the Race shall not die. Forgiveness is yours already, my children. My blessings ride with you. Go forth and take the throne of Hastinaapura. Make the Land prosper. Whenever you are in doubt, you shall find me here. When the Kingdom of Bharata is secured from all foes, of sword and heart, then only shall I pass."

And so it was. The Five lay thoughts of rest, to rest and ruled the land with justice and truth, with the sound counsel of he who lay on the arrows. At the end of this great restoration, on the first day of the Uttaraayan, the mighty soul of Bhishma, passed.
- Yuddha Parva, Mahaabhaarata

Note: Why I felt like quoting this.
The beauty of this epic is in the multiplicity of interpretations. I personally associate this passage with the fallacy of resting on laurels and the necessity of never forgetting the bigger picture. Others will surely come up with other opinions on the meaning of this story, (besides the literal one, of course) and it would be good to know their thoughts.

(W)rote something that came to my head today.

2010-09-02T22:19:00.000-07:00

The G&O Algorithm
This algorithm is one of the popular classics. Let us have an analytical look at it.

Firstly, is it an algorithm in the first place?

The answer to this is in the affirmative.
The algorithm is used to score excellent marks in examinations. It fulfils the
five conditions as outlined by Knuth.

1. Finiteness:
It terminates in a finite number of steps. They will be enumerated in a later section.

2. Definiteness:
Each step is properly defined, nay, perfected through generations of practice. Entire Vedas were handed down by a variant of this algorithm (This variant was a major deviation since it also involves handing down the detailed meanings and interpretations of those texts).

3. Input:
An open textbook is scanned line by line or character by character. Number of inputs is a function of the declared syllabus and the part the student deems optional.

4. Output:
The output is same as the input text, replicated on a piece of paper, in a time bound, communal ritual.

5. Effectiveness:
The deviation of the text from the original is evaluated by an expert set of pattern matching personnel who determine the percentage error and assign a grade. This grade is effectively used by the user of the algorithm for a variety of purposes for at least one year after it is declared and forgotten later. Used traditionally as a benchmark for intelligence and capability. Thus it is effective in fulfilling its purpose of helping the user get maximum marks or a high grade.

What is the definition of this algorithm:

As the name suggests, there are two parts to this. G and O. We will define them in that order.

G (Ghokaa):

Inputs:
i <-- First chapter of syllabus
l <-- Last chapter of syllabus
o <-- S :{ x | Chapter x is deemed optional}

Start:
G1. Open the textbook. (Choice of textbook is a separate algorithm named after the legendary authors N.R.Lee and T.K.Max and follows the Law of Approaching Nationality)

G2. Move to chapter number i.

G3. If i is not equal to o, learn chapter i by rote. (Concept, practical application, mathematical meaning and any inconsistency with past knowledge can be neglected at this stage.)

G4. Repeat step G3.

G5. Repeat step G4. // Note the distinction between repeat and go to.

G6. Sleep. Can you blurt out the input in your sleep? If yes, wake up and go to G7. Else, go to step G4.

G7. If i is not greater than l, advance i by one. Go to step G3.

G8. Is it time for the exam to start? If yes then close the textbook, get
ready for the exam and move to step O1. Else, go to step G9.

G9. Read anything from the textbook which is a subset of the declared syllabus.

Here the author digresses to apologise to Mithunda for dragging G9 into this.

O (Okaa):

q <-- 1
m <-- total number of questions in the paper
O1. Is q less than m? If yes, replicate the input text corresponding to the relevant question, ad verbatim, onto the paper. Else go to O3.

O2. Advance q by one. Go to step O1.

O3. Is the exam over? If yes, get out of the hall according to protocol.

End.

Complexity Analysis:

Although it can be analytically calculated that the complexity of this algorithm is in Theta[N], where N = n-i-no, where no = n(S), heuristics show that this algorithm always completes in Constant time, even in the worst case.

T(G&O) = Theta(1)

It has been shown that:

T(G&O) == [K hours before the examination timing] + [E]
where, K = Constant determined by the student
E = Constant Exam Duration as determined by the powers that be

Thus, we conclude our introductory study of the G&O algorithm. For a detailed study, the interested reader may refer to ...
Why? Are the details in the syllabus? No? Never mind the details then.
In the next section, The Law of Approaching Nationality will be examined.

Write in C : Apologies to the Beatles

2010-07-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

I'd read the lyrics of this cover version of The Beatles' Let it be before.
However, after a week of banging my head on FORTRAN, I've come to identify with it. My dislike for Java and VB plays a part here too.
Enjoy!

Special thanks to the kind anonymous dude who's composed this.

Wisecrack

2010-05-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Imagine a plane that can take you from Mumbai to New York in an hour, so that you could live in Mumbai and work in NY. So everyday you drive to the CSIA (in a right hand drive car) and drive from JFK to your office (in a left hand drive). While coming back in the evening, its left-hand followed by right-hand-drive. Driving on the opposite sides of the road in the same day... using mirrored conventions, within hours of each other. How confusing would that be!
Try programming for IA32 in the day and ARM at night to approximate the feeling.

(Notably, this does not hold for many Pune drivers, who use the American side convention for driving)

Office 2010

2010-05-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

This is so AWESOME!
M$ hataai all the way
If this movie is real, I'm going to see it first day first show!

Linux Man

2010-05-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

There are a bunch of Beatles songs on the net, changed for that subset of people who are the intersection of Beatles fans and Programmers. I stumbled across this treasure the other day over here. This one is my favourite, for all the hidden symbolism. Its from the Beatles classic Nowhere Man. UNIX has been changed to Linux:

He's a real Linux Man
Sitting in his Linux LAN
Making all his Linux plans
For nobody.

Knows the blocksize from du(1)
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you,
And me?

Linux Man, please listen
My lpd(8) is missin'
Linux Man,
The wo-o-o-orld is at your command.

He's as wise as he can be
Uses lex and yacc and C
Linux Man, can you help me At all?

Linux Man, don't worry
Test with time, don't hurry
Linux,Man,
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned.

He's a real Linux Man
Sitting in his Linux LAN
Making all his Linux plans For nobody ...
Making all his Linux plans For nobody.

Mentos for anyone who finds the hidden symbolism.

Spineless Angel, Brainless Devil

2010-05-12T05:18:00.000-07:00

With reference to this post,
The concerned dude was caught committing the same examination malpractice today, exactly one academic year later!
Some people never learn from their mistakes.
I imagine that when he thought of taking a chit into the exam hall, an angel and a devil must have popped on his shoulder like they pop up on everyone's.

Angel: "Don't copy. You should have studied. Besides, you will make pass grade just by writing some jargon. Its Jargon Engineering after all! Have you forgotten last year?"
Devil : "Ah...shut your piehole"
Dude: "Ya...shut up"
Angel shuts up. Devil smiles. Dude scribbles away on the chit. Walks into the exam hall 20 mins late. Starts copying.
Half an hour later he gets caught by the invigilator, while carelessly copying away. Same style, same type of paper and fine print!
Turns out the devil was brainless enough not have taught this dude any new methods of not getting caught. Some people leave you speechless.

What a joke

2010-05-06T07:53:00.000-07:00

Mr P Chidambaram says he is proud of our system.
He is proud because we have given, Kasab, the terrorist from Pakistan, a fair trial, (which has found him guilty and sentenced him to death) and not created a Guantanamo.

The former part is right. The latter is a sad joke.
Indeed, it seems that Mr. PC seeks to compete with the erstwhile Twitter Minister when it comes to making comments that you shouldn't be.

We have indeed not created a Guantanamo as far as Kasab is concerned, since international diplomacy is involved.
But thousands, if not tens of thousands, have been held without trial by Police and Paramilitary forces all round the country and subjected to gitmo-like conditions. Their crime... in half the cases no one really knows.
The only difference in the American and the Indian Gitmo is that the American Gitmo is centralized and the Indian Gitmo is distributed.

True, these agencies have to take unconstitutional steps sometimes, but that is only because the administration has failed to provide them with the resources and the atmosphere to conduct their operations by the book.

The men in Khaki have been treated as unjustly as the captives they have, time to time, held unconstitutionally. Suspension of narco tests curtail their powers further (so no other Telgi can name another Pawar in narco analysis).

As far as Kasab and terrorism is concerned, we can say all this is analogous to a game of chess.
A bunch of pawns from the other side, penetrated our defence, took out knights and rooks. The pawns were killed in the process. One pawn alone was trapped by bishops and killed.
Our defences are still weak and the enemy King, Queen, Rooks, Knights, Bishops all are safe.
And Mr. PC is proud of our system.

Either they don't play Chess at Harvard, or they play it so well, that a spectator wont know which side the player is playing on.

Five Minutes

2010-03-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

Its early in the morning, the sun isn't up.
I shut my alarm and flick a switch.
My computer boots up, I make my coffee.
A small table light pierces the dark.
A list is on my table. Made last night.
Things to do, lots of them.
I sit at the table. About to start.
When sometimes, they come. Suddenly. Without warning.

Memories of days gone by. Of happy days. Of ignorant bliss.
Of beautiful illusions.Of how they were broken.
They turn themselves round, into a jumble of what-if's.
Running into mindless herds of why's and why-not's.
Recursing along the depths of thought
Into an abyss of impossibility.
Hopes cry out...sweet voices they have.
Facts yell at them to shut their mouth.
And the din disturbs the silence of the dawn.

Only one escape is in sight.
A few symbols
Pure white on flawless black.
A wonderful door they open
Into a room away from all the noise.

Login: ... says the sign.

I type my name and enter.

Reflections on Sholay, cinematic and mathematic

2010-02-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

Revelations that occurred to me while watching scenes from the classic on YouTube in order to beat the exam boredom:

The uncut scene in which Gabbar confronts the abducted Ahmed and asks him to bow before him, killing him with the spike after he refuses to bow and attacks Gabbar instead, was pretty unimpressive and explicitly violent.
The cut version, in which Gabbar simply smashes the ant crawling on his arm when Ahmed is brought to him, is one of the most brilliant pieces of direction and editing in Cinema. The metaphor and subtlety are so much more effective than the explicit violence.

More importantly:

Probability of Kalia getting shot was one sixth.

I previously thought it was half, since the slot could have a bullet or
not, an exact 50% chance. But thinking harder, one will appreciate the logic behind this number:
Remembering that there are six possible configurations of the revolver slots.

1. There were three successive slots where the bullet was not there. Any one of these slots and Kalia would not get shot.
2. Two of these slots, in succession, were already spent on the other two dacoits. So that leaves only one slot.

Intuitively the probability still seems 50%.

3. However, there are two possible configurations only that lead to two successive 'bach gaya' situations.
Empty-Empty-Empty and Empty-Empty-Bullet.

Therefore, if Kalia is to get shot, the congifuration would be the latter. For this the first dacoit would have to face
the second empty slot in the gun. This is a unique configuration among the six possible.

The probability of this happening is therefore 1/6.

As a result, the probability that Kalia gets shot is 1/6.

But he does not. Now the information is available to Gabbar that all three slots now contain bullets, and he can safely
execute all three of his errant daakoos in rapid fire mode.Even a daakoo can do that much math to find and come to this
trivial solution.
I wish my teacher in 12th had used this example.

Looking at it from quite another angle, if the probability is considered only in terms of presence or absence of the bullet, does it become 50% then?
Will the changing of the sample space affect the absolute states that the system can assume?
Then again I have not considered the implications of using conditional probability here. this problem warrants a thorough post exam analysis.

My Name Is Wangya: Part 3

2010-02-18T03:48:00.000-08:00

Mataji mansion. Mumbai:
As Mr C entered the room, Mhatarya Wagh, who was watching his nephew's antics on TV, looked up,

"Ah, Maidyaa Chepote, come to sprinkle more salt on my wounds?"
"No my old friend, I've come to give you some good news...get cigars..."
Mr C plonked into a seat next to the erstwhile throne.
"What? you are gonna stop funding my nephew?...and no cigars now...even i've quit"
"Ahem...I don't fund Putnyaa, I wonder who tells you things like that... "

"Cut the crap and tell me why you are here, want help with a cricketer or something? If thats the case then talk to my son. He handles all that now. I just make comments against them you know, keeps the boys on the street going..."

"I have found a way to get rid of Il Principe and stop funding Putnyaa at the same time."
Now the old mans ears pricked up...
"Really? How??"

[Sarkar theme in the background, sinister lighting]

"Listen carefully..." started Mr.C

Half an hour later he walked out , heartily puffing on the last bit of cigar.
"Now to the airport, I have a Delhi to go to".

Meanwhile, our hero Wangya set out from his village after bidding a tearful goodbye to his parents. (Okay, it wasn't exactly tearful, because they were busy watching Dish TV on their new 49 inch plasma,a gift from Mr C, but the tearful bit adds poetic effect, like synecdoche or the other figures of speech we never come to terms with.)
At the train station, he saw a strange thing pointing at him. He asked a passer by...

"Excuse me sir, what is that?"
"That is a CCTV camera..."
"CCTV? whats that?"
"Crimes Committed Television ,kid. It helps the cops see the suspects after the he has long escaped"
"Oh! so thats how they make those 'Wanted' pictures we see in San-sani without having to catch the criminal...really clever idea."

The man started muttering something in reply but the sound of the approaching train cut it out. Thanking the man, Wangya got into the train. Little did he know what he was actually getting into...

To be continued.

My Name is Wangya: Part 2

2010-02-14T18:09:00.000-08:00

"Wangya, How old are you?
"I don't really know sir...but my father calls me 'an eighteen year old donkey' while waking me up in the morning to go
to the fields"
"Oh...I see".
"What?"
"What what?", Mr.C was confused.
"You said you see, Sahib, so i asked what is it that you see", Wangya displayed his grasp of language.
"Oh that...thats just a manner of speaking, but I do see something. I see that you are very happy".
"Yes Sahib, I am indeed very happy"
"Why is that? What is it that makes you happy? I presume you live in a hut and walk barefoot to school and eat harsh
village fare and sleep on the ground..."
"Well we do have dish TV..."
"And you are santust with that?...even when it says..."Don't be santust?"
"Sahib...I had never thought about that...why am I santust when even dish TV advises me otherwise??"
"That is the problem with you villagers...never think big. Now you will realise that you are not really happy. How can
you be happy unless you are rich and famous??"

Wangya went into a thoughtful mood, his face clouded over with doubt, fear, anxiety and other things he couldnt spell or
imagine, since it was the first time in his happy life that he was feeling these things.
Half of the farmers went back to work, "Another one bites the dust..." was the expression on their faces.
Half of the remaining half told Wangya to forget it...and get back to work.
The rest were just wondering whether they'd get enough groundnuts at the desi-tavern that night, but pretended to look
interested in the conversation. By that time Wangya had passed through a stage of deep thought that led him to realise
that thinking this much made him hungry.

Meanwhile Mr.C went on...

"...and to be wealthy and famous, you must become a superstar in Bollywood. But to become a superstar in Bollywood, you
must go to Mumbai first.WANGYA...ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION ???"

"uhhh", jolted out of his lunch dreams, he just vaguely remembered something about Mumbai..
"Mumbai??"...he stuttered.

"Yes, Mumbai, the city where all your dreams come true, where each and every person can make his mark in life, where you
can join the factory of Dreams, and become the Superstar and share with people, the message of not being santust..."

"That would be wonderful indeed...I guess I will go to Mumbai...But how will I go to Mumbai and where will I live?
will my parents even let me go ??"

"You are eighteen boy, you can go wherever you want to go,but there is one problem...Putnya Wagh"
"Who is that ?"
"That is a very angry and powerful man...he does not like people coming to Mumbai from outside, unless you want to work
in his construction company...he might make your life hard there...his goons might beat you...even chase you away..."

"Nooo...I want to be a superstar...I want to come on Dish TV...I dont want to be beaten and chased...please tell me
Sahib, what should I do?"

"Hmmm, even I am powerless before Putnya Wagh, you will have to take the help of Il Principe."
"Now who is this?"
"Don't you know him? He is the Prince of this land...don't you see him on Dish TV?...he delivered a speech from on top
of a car once, while his secretaries were shouting..."Baba...get down from the car please...for security reasons..." ".

"Oh...him...I have seen him on TV...my aunt Vimla wants to marry off my cousin sister to him..."

"Yes. He is going to Mumbai in two days time. If you can request him in front of the TV-news people gathered there, that
you want to be protected from Putnya, he will surely help..."

"Oh. Then I will have to go to Mumbai and meet Il Principe..."
"Yes, in front of the TV cameras...only that will help you"

"This seems hard. What if I don't go?"
"Just think of your parents. Do you want them to call you a donkey or a Superstar?. Now that the SEZ will come up on your
land, you will have to work in a factory. That wont make you a superstar...then how will you be happy..."

"I will have to ask my parents..."

"Ask them. I will have a train ticket to Mumbai sent to your house."
Mr.C called to his PA, (hitherto unmentioned because he had no work to do and so had joined the Pilot in ogling at
the contestants on TV), who came quickly,(hed been threatened with Gadchiroli).

"PA, make sure this boy gets a train ticket to Mumbai by this evening and his parents get a...gift from us..a token of
our appreciation for raising such a fine boy and giving the Nation a new Superstar"
"Yes Sahib...tell me where you live boy". Wangya told him and PA made a few phone calls to arrange the ticket and stuff.
Wangya was overwhelmed...
"How can I thank you... Sahib"

Mr.C gave his most fake smile, but stopped when he realised that it distorted his face to a scary and painful degree,

"Just meet Il Principe...I see a great future for you...on our 70th Republic day, you will be in Mile Sur Mera Tumhara
3.0"

"And I'll get my Padma Bhushan...na Sahib", this was PA.
"Yes...if you succeed in burying all those cases..."

And so, leaving a completely changed Wangya behind, heading to his house at full gallop, Mr.C and PA got into the chopper
As it lifted, Mr.C said to the pilot with a wicked grin that seemed to comfort his face...

"Straight to Mumbai, to my friend...er...rival...er...enemy's...er...dammit. Take it to Mataji Mansion. I will have a
cigar and a white wine there with Mhatarya Wagh. I think we have finally found a way to get rid of Il Principe..."

To be continued...

My Name Is Wangya: part one

2010-02-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

Prologue: The story behind the story behind the story:
My brother has a great imagination. Once his best friend, made an imaginary friend called Barney. So just like that, he created one of his own, called Wangya.
Wangya translates roughly as Brinjal-kid.
This post is a tribute to Wangya.

The Story:

There was a guy called Wangya. He was happy and healthy. And there was an old guy called Maidyaa Chepote.
Mr. Chepote was a wealthy and powerful man and conformed to Balzac's law of fortune. He had many businesses that involved buying and selling.
Now once, Mr. Chepote went on a visit to Wangya's village, since it was the only village left where no farmer had committed suicide and everyone was happy, even the ones who had made the mistake of watching 'Pyaar Impossible'.
He was meant to study why these people were so happy, so he could implement the same in his own organization,the one which dealt in Cricketers, you know...buying and selling, that sort of stuff. He also wanted some tips from the farmers on how to maintain perfect pitches since there had been some great ups and downs, (mostly ups) on that front lately.

As he went about surveying the fields from his chopper, thinking about how he might be able to learn something from the farmers of Europe about Indian crops, if he went on a visit there, he spotted a boy who looked very happy and fit and healthy (besides looking like only a small spot from that height)

The boy was making crop circles. This of course was our protagonist.
(Why he was making crop circles is a mystery that will be dealt with later)

Mr. Chepote (hereafter called Mr.C for convenience and other reasons), with the air of a pucca Sahib said to the pilot "Khaali neuya ?"
(Shall we take it down?)
The chopper pilot said, "Kevhapasun sangtoy khaali nyaa, pan aapan fakta varach...kadu chaha piyun vitlo" (I've always been saying we should take it down, you yourself insist on keeping it flying, besides I'm sick of bitter tea.)

"I meant the chopper you idiot" , snapped Mr.C.
"Oh yes, that too Sahib".

Down they went and the din made the farmers and Wangya look at the chopper.
The chopper landed a hundred odd meters from the fields.
Mr.C got out of the chopper and ... did nothing actually. He just stood there and thought the farmers would come to him and bow as if he were the Elohim.
Eventually, he noticed that they had stopped looking at him, turned and gone back to making the crop circles.

So he got back into the chopper. The pilot, who had climbed into the passenger cabin and had started watching "Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jayenge" on TV there was annoyed and so he grumbled.
But Mr.C told him "Don't grumble or i'll call my friend Mr.Dhoti Pecoat and have you transferred to Anti-Naxal operations in Singhbuam district of Jharkhand, you understand?".
After making the great journey of hundred meters to the fields Mr.C disembarked and declared in his most commanding voice.

"Namaskaar, kind people, I wish to speak to you".

"Oh...", said an old farmer, "we thought you had stopped to pee, so we didn't come any closer". The other farmers nodded in agreement in the most farmerly fashion.

"No. I had to stopped to share with you, thoughts about this wonderful world that we live in and..."

"We have already sold this land to an MNC who acquired it for an SEZ... Sahib", interjected the chief farmer dude.

"Oh...then lets get to the other business.You there...boy" he pointed to Wangya.
"Me sir?"
"Yes, come here."

Wangya went forward, grinning as was his natural ridiculous expression.

"What is your name boy?"

Wangya stood straight, and suddenly seemed to grow taller as he told Mr C his name...

"My name....is Wangya"

To be continued...

Three Idiots

2010-01-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

Finally I watched 3 idiots. Quite by chance. Needed to clear the head after a nearly sleepless night of putting together a presentation and meeting a deadline.

Three hours later, I floated out of the movie.
Cinematically the movie is very good.But its really much more than that.
I haven't been 'moved' by any movie for ages. But this one was way different. This is our life they've shown in the film!
Now I know why my family and classmates, friends and pretty much all acquaintances who saw the film before me told me, "...we were reminded of you!"
That also flatters me to a great deal.

My friend Piyush said that its the kind of film that reinforces your beliefs. I agree now.

Besides, I found my theory of film-prediction to be verified as I discovered Phunsuk Wangdu's identity during the 'handmade biscuit' scene itself.
As a sidenote, it does borrow a lot from "Five Point Someone", but that story is pointless and so very abrupt. Doesn't even have a happy ending. So its a good rehash.
All in all, I loved this film and even though I'm among the last people to catch it, I'd recommend it.

First thoughts of the new year

2010-01-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

First thoughts that came to me while sitting in my balcony, replying to Happy New Year texts and watching the tiny lunar eclipse as my watch ticked 0000.

Cellular phone networks get jammed at around midnight on 31st December.
They got all jammed up in Mumbai when bombs went off on 11th July 07.
I remember them getting jammed at 0000 hrs on 1/1/2000, even when the cellphone was a new and not-so-prolific member of Indian life; my dad had showed me, in amazement, the *Network Jammed* message that appeared on his huge Ericsson cellphone's tiny black and green display when he tried to make a call.

In short, when everyone (in parallel) is trying to get in touch with everyone they know, (in sequence or parallel...Send To All), the network gets so busy that few people can get through to the people they want to get through to. While actually, it should be the other way round.
When you need to call someone, the call must get through, especially during disasters.
So why does this happen? Obviously due to the load on the network.
But then, what algorithm could be applied to switch the calls and spread them across the limited spectra? What new encoding and code divisions could make the capacity of the network hold during such high-load hours?
Must research this...
Can the networks controlling computers not be programmed to adapt to the load on the network. But of course, even they will be helpless after a limit of the available and allocated spectrum is reached.
Can the phone companies not register just the points of contact and send the same message everywhere?...Happy New Year...because the probability of someone sending a sardar joke in SMS is miniscule at midnight oo 31st December.
Is A.Raja concerned about all this?...and doesnt he look just like Madhu Koda!

Maybe one day we will have Quantum communications that will make potentially the entire spectrum available! Or maybe I am too sleepy to think straight and must hit the sack.

The year that will have been, in two days

2009-12-28T21:28:00.000-08:00

Socio-Economo-Politically: Witness to degradation
Academically: Ups and downs... ending on a plateau.
Scientifically: Enriching
Astronomically: Over-clouded
Extra-curricular-ly: Busy
Motorcyclically: Wonderful
Mountainously: Rare :(
Bicyclically: Rare :(
Computationally: Enlightening
Cinematically: Excellent. Watched only one crappy film, that too in a bus!
Physically: Minus five kilo + 20 cm hair + 2 kilo ... uh
Financially: New demat account woohoo!
Personally: Too many funerals and a few disappointments.
Overall: Eventful is an understatement :)

How about yours?

Lots of choice!

2009-12-17T21:41:00.000-08:00

Some of the names people have been calling me lately based on hair length:

Stallman ... courtesy CoFSUG

Zakir Hussain / classical singer / sitar-vaadak ... courtesy Enthu , Laguba Jr, five others

Einstein ... courtesy my aunt

Yanni ... courtesy my cousin sis

Sathya Sai ... (WTF!!) ... courtesy my neighbour

Gundaa ... courtesy Khasgi

Sanyaasi ... courtesy Das

Bhope-Bhaau ... courtesy my younger brother (who ended up with a sore arm)

Aragorn ... (flattered, honestly) ... courtesy, an LOTR loving friend

Pied Piper from Reliance ad ... (most flattered, thank you) ... another friend whom I cheekily told that that guy copied me.

So take your pick because I still havent got bored of looking at my reflection.
Although each one is entitled to their own opinion, people selecting the last two options might find it to their advantage, more so if I gain enormous wealth and power in the near future :P

I want one too...

2009-12-09T19:25:00.000-08:00

Disgruntled at the world ? क्या आप दुनिया से परेशान हैं?
...हाँ!
Everything you do is getting screwed up? कोई काम ठीक नहीं होता?
...हाँ !
Think the rest of humanity is just out to crush you and your identity? क्या पूरी दुनिया आपको और आपकी पहेचान को बर्बाद करने में जुटी है?
...हाँ भाई हाँ !

Breathe easy... the solution is simple...
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Your very own personalized State.

Complete with all amenities including:

A rival free assembly election the first time on (introductory offer)!
Excellent property development opportunities in your very own Raj-dhani(TM)
Free account with VBI (Vote Bank of India).
and many more....

तो जल्दी कीजिये ...
आज ही अपना अलग राज्य मंगाइए ...
सिर्फ D&R Teleshopping पे उपलब्ध

Payment options*:

Fast unto death. (or maybe unto lunch...yellow shawl style)
Getting your goons to run riot.

तो फ़ोन उठाइये और डायल कीजिये ::
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Our satisfied customers include:
Mr. Sore-n Myhead
Mr. No Koda Ofconduct
and KCR

*Conditions apply:
Must not extract payment from the VBI account of D&R Inc.

Good Cop or Bad Cop

2009-12-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

The Pune Traffic Police has a special talent for laying revenue traps. They set up new entry restrictions and traffic lights in places where none existed and surprise hapless motorists.
The other day, one such dead signal suddenly went active on University Road and a couple Pulsar riding cops lay in wait. I was unfortunately, stuck behind a bus.
The mass of the bus made sure I couldn't see the signal which had gone red just as he was passing, and the driver's civic sense ensured that I would not come to know of its presence till he had broken it. So as he jumped the light, I followed, not knowing there was an active light there in the first place.
At the last moment, when I was past the point of no return, I see the red light, and the cop on the Pulsar revving up with glee.
I continued riding for a few meters, and seeing the Pulsar in my rear view, with the cop waving wildly at me, decided to pull over.Following conversation at the edge of the road:

Me (pocketing my bike key as the cop pulled up beside me):
Im really sorry officer I did not see the light. The bus blocked the view and jumped the light. And this light was defunct till early this morning.

Cop: Well its on now and I saw you break it with my own eyes.

Me: (to myself) Why does he have to say own eyes? So filmy...maine apni aankhon se dekha

Cop: Licence and PUC.

I showed him the cards. Convinced, he started looking for some other excuse to take my case.

Cop: Why is your licence plate like that?

Me: Because I haven't got it painted yet. But I know its not illegal this way. As long as the number is same as my vehicle registration.

Before he could ask for it I pulled it out and showed him the vehicle registration card.

Cop: Hmmm... that's ok.

Gave me back the cards, but he showed no sign of giving me back my licence.

Cop: You will have to pay the fine and make a receipt for jumping the signal.

Me: No problem sir. My mistake. Please give me the receipt, I'll pay.

Cop: I don't have the receipt. You will have to go to the station.

Me: All right. But I am in a hurry and I must go to the station now. But I can't ride without my Licence, so you will have to come with me to the station.

Cop: Ok. The fine is 600 bucks. Will you pay?

[I know that according to Motor Vehicles Act 1989, the Maximum fine for signal jumping is Rs. 100. This is where the fun starts ]

Me: Ok. I don't even know where the nearest traffic chowki is. Please take me there or ride with me there, officer (the word 'officer' adds a different touch to the conversation when speaking to cops).
I will have a look at a copy of the MVA Offences-Fine list at the Chowki. Whatever fine it lists I will pay.

Cop: O-k (reluctance oozing from voice and face)

I got on my bike, started it up. He started it and we rode side by side for another 15-20 meters. He was riding at 15 km/h which forced me to ride as slowly. Following conversation took place in motion:

Cop: Are you really in a hurry?

Me: Yes...officer.

Cop: Well the Chowki will waste another 30 mins of your time.

Me: No problem sir, its my fault.

Cop: You look like a student.

Me: I am one.

He handed me my licence back.

Cop: No need to come to the Chowki. Take care not to do this again.

Me: I'll be careful. Thank you.

In Retrospect:

Now was this guy looking for a bribe?
Was he thinking that I won't have 600 in my pocket (I did not) and will try to get away by bribing him a hundred odd...no receipt given...no reporting and collection at the Chowki...easy money.
Did the prospect of going to the Chowki, resulting in me confirming from that book, that the fine was NOT 600, and then possibly reporting him to a bigger Officer, change his mind?
Also he did not so much as try to stop the signal jumping bus. Size-does-matter anyone?

Or did he decide to be nice the polite student who seemed to have made a mistake and whose papers were in order and who called him 'Officer'?

To blow my own trumpet, if the fine was actually 600, I would have paid it ..from my own little savings at that.

Morals of the story for me:

It does pay to know the rules and follow them and accept punishment if you break them.
Also, going through a list of traffic offences and fines as per MVA 1989 section 119/177 is very very useful and will help you if khaki tries to rob you.

And last but not least:
Overtake the friggin bus.

Ek saal baad...

2009-11-26T05:57:00.000-08:00

One year later...

The operational readiness of the Mumbai Police, far from improving, is being further delayed by blame games.

NSG hubs lack basic amenities.

Instead of buying better guns and ammo for the Police, the Government is spending money on insulting Shivaji by erecting a giant statue along a coast which is a free playground for terror ferries.

The two Ministers who were removed as a token gesture are back in the chairs. One of those chairs in Delhi. Talk about blessing in disguise!

The attacks haven't stopped. Twin blasts last week in Assam. It took the FBI to nab the Headley dude.

The PM runs to (Oba) Ma to complain about the bad kids in the neighborhood instead of standing up to them.
The culprits will be brought to book says his feeble voice.

News for Dr.Singh : The culprits of 1993 are still chilling out. And a few months ago your ally down south released three men convicted in bomb blasts during his birthday celebrations.

As for the neighbouring government , (which is still assumed to be in charge), we are giving in to all their delay games.

The President is busy clogging traffic, shopping in Mexico at state expense and wasting military fuel by getting free rides in Sukhoi's as a PR exercise (awesome perks you get for being Commander in Chief of The Armed Forces !) while the aging Air Force struggles to achieve the credible minimum deterrent.

The great war that our soldiers are engaged in is one which has been directed against our own poor countrymen, by corrupt governments who have sold their souls to the mining-SEZ lobby and transformed peaceful jungles into Naxal-Paramilitary war zones...with a little unwanted help from the Other neighbours.

Looking into our minds, we know that we are not safe, and the existing machinery has failed to protect lives, and can fail again at any time. Its a clock whose ticks we can hear but choose to ignore till annual memorial days of such attacks. We have had a Black Friday, Bloody Monday ,Terror Tuesday...every day of the week.

Cynical ? True.

(the actual state of mind in which one might write, read or accept the above text is so fuzzy...)

I like this

2009-11-26T03:02:00.000-08:00

Courtesy: XKCD

Nuremberg needed in Ayodhya

2009-11-24T01:44:00.000-08:00

Almost six months after it entered, the cat of the Justice Manmohan Singh Liberhan Commission Report is finally out of the bag.
The people it indicts (need they be named here?) are crying "cheating, cheating" like kids playing hide and seek.(Obviously, you don't expect them to pop champagne...)

Those who kept the truth hidden from the Nation, even when it spells trouble for their political rivals are sorely disappointed now that their trump card has slipped out of the sleeve. Maybe they were waiting for another trump card called Gujarat Riot Probe so that they could have a good hand by the time Gj and MP came up for assembly elections.
After all, no one would mind if a report that took 17 years to complete took another 2-3 to be tabled in Parliament.
The Action Taken (?) Report is another example of the standard actions taken by our governments in such matters. Setting up of new Commissions, an increased load on the EC, a couple of new Bills and Amendments to keep Parliament noisy and the President('s) rubber stamp wet with ink.

Trial and punishment to those indicted ?... why, whoever heard of such a thing in this country?
Then again the punishment given to tired old men (because thats what the culprits are now) will be lenient, especially when they are people in really high places.

Commissions and Bills...will they unite our religiously divided society? Or teach the generations to come the value of unity?
Ayodhya, Babri, riots, 1993 and Liberhan will never find their way into history books (because children have to learn about our glorious freedom struggle thrice, don't they? ) and even if they do, into unbiased ones.

Our generation and the ones to come are left to piece together from the old timers in their families and popular culture, what exactly happened, and so most will learn the religiously bigoted versions, on both sides of the communal divide, because our older generations are essentially bigoted.
(Quite an accusation, but just try analyzing the religious tolerance levels of the older members of your family).

Only one thing can hope to slightly correct this great mistake and that is trial and severe punishment of all those indicted by the Liberhan report, with proper media coverage so that the people know who is being punished, how much, and for what, and making sure that generations to come know this dark chapter of our history.

If the government is moral enough to carry out the punishment , it could be said that the election was not a complete mistake.

But the trump card approach has already shown that the government is all set to do as it pleases because there is no opposing force powerful enough. So even if it does carry out the punishment now, the motive will be, clearly, the systematic ideology-execution of their greatest political rivals and an assurance of power, so that there is no one with the political will to pursue the culprits of Bofors, 1984, Bhagalpur, et al.

It is high time we realize that this immoral government which we have elected "because the others are worse" will soon be becoming just like them, maybe even worse. We all need to do something, the least of which is, having an idea of what is going on.

Vengeance

2009-11-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

Vengeance is a sweet dish.
Diabetes is a reality.
Control consumption.
Or it will consume you.

A chance encounter with the master blaster.

2009-11-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

This happened three years ago. A friend of mine, lets call him Percy, lives in a building that is at a darshan-distance from the great Siddhivinayak temple in Mumbai.
So close, you could see the sanctum sanctorum from his balcony, before the commercialization of the temple took place and they put in metal sheets to block the view. That was also before the wall came up. The Siddhivinayak Chowk was a beautiful place, with a traffic island at the fork in the road. It was large, had a nice garden with beautiful lights, a fountain and a sculpture. With the towering skyscrapers on all three sides and the temple (which is also a good piece of architecture), it looked awesome at night when all the lights came on.
So I went to my friend's roof with my newly acquired Olympus OM1 Film SLR with Velbon tripod (maaz unlimited), and mounted it there.
After bagging four very good long exposure frames of the square with the traffic streaks, I wrapped up the camera gear.
Percy and I were just chatting on the roof when we walked to the temple end of the roof, which is awfully close to the upper offices of the temple about 20 feet.

And there, out of the blue, in the window, appears the smiling face of Sachin Tendulkar. The man himself. In flesh and blood. Twenty feet away.

Apparently he had been coaxed into having a cup of tea with the trustee-mandal after he had had darshan alongwith his wife.

Percy called out "Sachin!!", and I reached for the camera. To my misfortune, only 2 frames remained and I had left the 24mm wide angle lens on the camera. By the time I changed lenses and got focus, he had disappeared.
Percy was hysterical by now .
"Wow wow wow " was all I could discern from his speech.

We rushed downstairs to the temple gate to be assaulted by a crowd of fans and Policemen. A photo was out of the question, but as his car drove out of the premises, I could catch another glimpse of the maestro.
Hopefully some other day I'll get a pic and an autograph :)
Till then I'll keep going to Percy's roof ready with a camera pointed right at the same window.
Unfortunately, the temple premises have become a fortress now and the beauty of that square has transformed into traffic snarls. People have to cross barricades, guns and wires to go and see their evil-destroyer God. Percy has to go through a security check to go to his own home. But Sachin is Sachin.

Those were the days

2009-11-05T11:04:00.000-08:00

To all those who think I look menacing: Front row, third from right.
Special thanks to Sameer ' Sam ' Joglekar for providing the pic.

Rocket science aint rocket science.

2009-10-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

Dr. N. Vedachalam, Padma Shri, one of the living legends of ISRO, the man behind India's cryogenic engine, is on a visit on invitation to COEP.
Today he spoke for three hours on the topic of Space Research for National Development.
I witnessed for the first time that for a non-song-and-dance program, the College Auditorium was full, with people even standing in the corridors.
No normal person's attention span can last three hours, but the professor held everyone's complete attention and active response for all of those hours, without so much as a drop of water in between.
Then after lunch, he talked for another three hours, meeting with the same great response.
It was not just knowledge, but inspiration itself that he was distributing, cutting across branches and years.
Words are insufficient to describe the sheer awesomeness of the man and his work.

And most important was that through all the different things he touched upon in the lectures, two things were most consistent:

Real research work alone, with full dedication, hard work and courage can beat all odds as far as scientific and technical development is concerned.
Students (and even practicing Engineers) should never forget the Fundamentals. To quote:
"Concept is most important. Go back to the textbooks. Go back to the teachers"

And the point was really driven home when he explained how the system that stabilizes Geostationary Satellites at an altitude of 36000 km and keeps them pointing right to the center of the Earth can be designed using nothing but
Std 8 mathematics , Std 11 electronics and Std 12 Physics and finely engineering it. We have learnt all this, but this application occurs not to our formula-mugging-marks-hugging, mechanically conditioned minds.

[Not ad verbatim...but you will get the idea...]
"You want your Satellite to point to the center of the Earth, which is just seen as a circle from 36000 km away.How do we find the center of a circle drawn before us?...std 8 geometry, theorem 11... the perpendicular bisector of any chord will lead you to the center. So we find chords by sensing the edges of the circle of light that is earth, using a simple sensor. But there at 36000 km, the circle subtends an arc of hardly ...tan inverse of 6400/36000 ...roughly tan^-1 (1/6)...very small.
So how much to move the sensor to get a symmetrically opposite point...make it undergo simple harmonic oscillations. How do you keep something oscillating for years on end...use a torsion spring. And how to make it oscillate without a clock?...We do away with a clock/crystal and use its natural resonant frequency of vibration...and instead of powering it continuously just cancel the damping.
And interfacing the sensor with a comparator circuit we can see the symetrically opposite points on the disc where the edge of the disc ends.
The two opposing points with the greatest difference in readings form the diamter!
Then tilting the same device by some degrees we find another set of diametrically opposite points. And so we have the center from their coordinates."

That is how engineering is done. Rocket science isn't actually all rocket science.

Great movie themes

2009-10-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

I have just rediscovered how beautiful the music for the LOTR movie series by Howard Shore is, particularly the theme of Rohan, which is played just when the four ride into Edoras while Eowyn is looking over the plane from outside the Golden Hall. Just playing it over and over again! Some movie themes are so brilliant. They go with every mood and some transport you into the worlds created by the movies. You must have heard some or all of them but I still felt like compiling a list of my favourites. Recommended for people who like good instrumental music:

King of the Golden Hall: Howard Shore, LOTR
Gladiator theme: Hans Zimmer, Lize Gerrard
Sholay opening theme and Harmonica piece: RD Burman
Hedwigs theme: John Williams from Harry Potter
Once Upon A Time in India: AR Rahman from Lagaan.
The Imperial March: John Williams from Star Wars
Gonna Fly Now from Rocky
Godfather theme
The Good The Bad and The Ugly theme: Ennio Morrican

Commandments 10.2

2009-10-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

CVS Reference : The Ten Commandments/10.1/ Thu Oct 22 07:06:57 2009

"Thou shalt Google thy build time errors"

Non-specific stuff I felt like writing in order to keep the number of this month's posts an even integer.

2009-09-30T05:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I pick the worst times to go the bank. This week, I went to the same bank thrice, once on a bank holiday, second time at 1630 (yes, it was closed and I love Mumbai), third time on the month end. After wasting those minutes of time and drops of petrol, the only consolation I derive is that I could tell the Pay&Park guy at the gate that I wont pay coz I did not park (and since the man did not consider telling me the bank was closed) and save 5*3=15 bucks.

Wonder where Bombay Jayashree disappeared. This female with a weird name and a wonderful voice sung only one beautiful track, "Zara Zara Mehekta Hai" ,in a now-decently-old film remembered as RHTDM and then was never heard from again (literally). We don't even know why she calls herself Bombay Jayashree if she lives down South. I remembered because I rediscovered this song accidentely as it came after "Zahreelay-zahreelay" on my brothers Walkman.

A teacher of mine once told me :
"When you are doing one thing, it forms a layer on your head. If you take a break from work, don't do anything, because it will form a layer and you will have some difficulty dusting it off when you resume. NEVER switch on the TV in your break because the layer is much thicker, and if you happen to see...whats her name...ya...Bipasha on the screen, it gets even thicker...hehehe" . Personally, I agree with this theory :P

The Luxury of 24 hour broadband.

2009-09-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

"Oh Saumitra, What better than an exile to make princes like us appreciate the comfort of a hut and respect the luxury of the palace"

- Ram in the Valmiki Ramayan , many thousand years ago

Cut to - Circa AD 1999:
I read the Amar Chitra Katha version of this epic, wherein this line appears in a speech bubble in very 'simple English'.I dont really get it. I finish the comic and move on to the next Suppandi adventure.

Cut to - AD 2005:
I read the Rajgopalchari version of this epic.Therein this line is followed by Rajaji launching into a lengthy explanation of its meaning and deeper significance, so lenghty and containing references to Shakespeare, Tulsidas, Kamban and the lot , that it drove me to skip that entire chapter and go straight to the Shurpanakha-indecent-proposal-followed-by-nose-and-ear-job episode. So I still don't really get it.

In between: I camp in many forests and hills, but still don't quite get it.

Cut to present day:
After two months of stealing minutes after lab time to check mails, using friends' and library connections and walking through campus with open laptop in hand, desparately seeking a good signal, all so that my work and acads aren't adversely affected, the broadband connection at my place finally gets fixed.
Now I get that line. Nothing like a downed connection to make you appreciate the luxury of 24 hour broadband.

(Actually, if you remember the days of dial up and the dark ages when we thought MTNL's 100 free Internet hours Plan was the best thing since sliced bread, that also makes you appreciate the value of the luxury that is broadband.
However, the author thinks that quoting from Epics is cool, even though he read the Amar Chitra Katha version first.)

Kaminey: Fame film, different perfpective.

2009-08-20T23:57:00.001-07:00

I have had the following conversation with around a dozen friends and. So ill use the regular expression.

My friend * : How did you like the film.
Myself: Not impressed. Found it ok...pretty pointless actually. Overall, I did'nt enjoy it.
My friend *: WHAT!? I liked it.Why did'nt you like it?
Myself:

Ok. The film is excellently shot. I'm a fan of the shaky hand held camera and the stylized Tarantino-esque cinematography.
Ok. Vishal Bharadwaj delivers great music with his old mentor Gulzar at the lyrics.
Ok. Everyone has acted well (specially Amole Gupte) and the movie demands you pay attention. I quite liked the way Priyanka Chopra has picked up Marathi dialogues. (The way of saying "Khaddyaat gelaa"...that is the part of the language you can't learn...you have to pick up.) And faying all linef in thif manner if not eafy either, so great work by Shahid Kapoor.
That is where it ends for me. Everything is strictly o-k. Nothing to go ga-ga over.

The storyline is actually pretty simple and the director of this film expects the characterizations and the theme of this film (that everyone is a certified Kaminaa) to carry the plot forward through numerous twists and turns.

It being a Vishal Bharadwaj film I went with sky-high expectations in exactly this aspect.
And that is where it goes wrong. The characterizations are shallow. They seem like normal people who are rascals because it is in the script of the film. Artificial Kaminey.
Everyone has a dark side, but its portrayal should have been more natural. If you have seen Omkara, that masterpiece of human fallacy and complexity, you will know what I am so agitated about. Comparisons with Omkara apart... as a standalone film also, this one ends up with characters that don't seem real...like the negation of a Sooraj Barjatya film.
The pointlessness of the film is not just in the failure of the characters but also in the wasted screentime..."Bhope Bhau-Tope Bhau" scene, the Bengali brothers' argument in the start of the film and a few more, which are seriously reminiscent of some of the crappiest films in recent history like Singh is King and Welcome [shields face from angry Kaminey fans].
Some characters raise the question as to why they are in the story in the first place, Ganesh, the Angolan, the Afghani-bhai etc.
The climax borders on the comical, reminded me of Andaz-Apna-Apna!
One concession is that at least the film is'nt predictable.
But all in all I was disappointed.
For grey character fans, recommended watch is Johhny Gaddar or Gulaal or Omkara. Thats my opinion.

My friend Harsh quite liked this film. Here is his opinion.

Words of a disturbed patriot...

2009-08-15T07:49:00.000-07:00

सरफरोशी की तमन्ना अब हमारे दिल मे हैं
देखना है जोर कितना बाजू-ए-कातिल मे है।

वक्त आने दे बता देंगे तुझे ऐ आसमान
हम अभी से क्या बताएं क्या हमारे दिल मे है।

ओ रे बिस्मिल काश आते आज तुम हिन्दोस्तान ,
देखते की मुल्क सारा यह टशन-महफिल मे है।

आज के जलसों मे बिस्मिल एक गूंगा गा रहा,
और बेहेरों का वो रेला नाचता महफिल मे है।

हात की खादी बनाने का ज़माना लद गया,
आज कल चड्डी भी सिलती चीनियों की मिल मे है.

This one is for the region brigade...if you know what I'm talking about.

मुल्क के टुकड़े बनाने मे लगें हैं नवजवान,
एकता तो इनकी केवल वर्ल्ड-कप फायनल मे हैं।

देखना है जोर कितना बाजू-ए-कातिल मे है।

Happy Independence Day.

Lessons from a pulled Lat:

2009-08-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

Lying on the bed with your laptop on the chest/stomach makes you experience strange vibrations from the hard drive.
Relispray (TM) is nice.
An arm and a leg is what people are supposed to give when they are desperate for something, never the back though. A screwed up arm/leg is still tolerable, not a back.
An injury invokes a deep seated, subconcious male desire to glorify itself. (Why do I get the feeling I am doing that now...)
If you feel a spasm in a back muscle while engaged in any activity, be kind and STOP that activity (running, in my case).
Pondering over how running could hurt the back, one remembers a dozen other things done through the day that could have been the root of the injury.Beware of a paranoia attack the next time you try to move a stepladder...

A brilliant piece of writing:

2009-08-11T04:23:00.000-07:00

Spotted written on the back of an auto-rickshaw in Pune:

"Dodge"

A New Perspective

2009-08-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning:
I entered the College premises at 830 hours, following a ride in the cool morning air. An hour between the start of the IBM technology day lectures which were "compulsory" for Third Year students of the Computer& IT department.
I was greeted by more 'Microsoft PUG Conference ' banners than IBM tech day banners. Spotting the MS Student Partner, who is a classmate, walking around, I asked, "Has MS taken over IBM??"
A small debate over Microsoft's attitude followed, ending in some lame joke I cracked.
As programs in the Auditorium go, this one started pretty much 'on time'. At 1000, only half an hour behind schedule.

Smarter planet:
The Director of the India Lab of IBM gave a presentation on 'smarter planet'. It was a new way of looking at Computing, and gave me a whole new perspective on Information Technology.
The concept is simple but powerful.
The amount of information available due to the electronic explosion, the proliferation of cheap mobile communications, is overwhelming.
But most of the network infrastructure is underutilized.
A large amount of useful information, never reaches the people who would most benefit, and a large amount of time, money and energy is wasted.

For example, billions of kW-hours can be saved only if power utility meters told the household how much electricity is being wasted.

The possibilities are endless. Take this one:
Smart parking meters, guarding empty spots could hook up to GPS receivers / cellphones inside cars looking for parking space. They could send the car owner an sms if the meter is about to expire and could receive e-payment, or sms the cops on not receiving any.
The amount of petrol saved by this simple solution is large (petrol wasted while scouting around for parking space, petrol wasted by aimlessly patrolling cops, diesel wasted by tow-trucks). Time of the car owner and the cops could also be saved.

A flat tire from the new perspective:
That evening I set off by Asiad bus to Mumbai. At Chinchwad the bus got a flat tire. The driver called for a new bus, but none was available. The driver asked for a maintenance van, but one van was halfway to Nagar and the whereabouts of the other were...unknown.
The people at the depot had to send a transport bus for the purpose, which came after an hour in the Pune traffic and came from the Pune depot and not from Chinchwad depot.
An entire bus had to be mobilized to carry just a pneumatic jack, tools and two mechanics, all of which could have easily fit into a van.
When they got to the spot though, the mechanics changed the tire in 15 minutes flat.
A quick conversation with the mechanics revealed how overworked they were some days, and how idle on others, with no scope for predicting when and where the next bus will break down.

Now imagine, if there had been pressure sensors in the bus tires and the health of the vehicle had been monitored and sent periodically to a Depot computer. The computer could have looked at the sensor readings and found out which bus and which part needs a more stringent maintenance check. The puncture could have been nipped in the bud.
In case it was missed, if a better communication network was available with Maharashtra State Transport, the whole fixing process would be quicker. The maintenance van could have come from the nearest location instead. A lot of time and fuel could be saved.
A smarter ST bus would thus lead to a smarter planet.

The Internet of Things is the future, or rather should be the future, for a better utilization of our own potential.

Online efficiency increase.

2009-07-21T23:55:00.000-07:00

A cut cable which is in disrepair because the owners of the terrace over which it runs are abroad, has rendered the broadband connection I indulge in at home useless. As a result my online time presently consists of half hour to one hour long sessions in slow cyber-cafes or (not slow) Libraries, free lab computers during free time in the lab, friend's place, etc.
Now I realize that when I enjoyed a 24 hr uninterrupted broadband service, I would stay online for 8-10 hours. But now, staying online for an hour or at best 3 a day, I can do the same amount of work! (Which I need to list before I go online so I don't miss something) Also, I realize that when the clock is ticking on your connection, time spent chatting/endless surfing in multiple tabs is restricted and efficiency increases.
[This post was completed in 5 minutes flat, compared to my average of 30 minutes per post. There you have it...numbers !!]

The author now takes time to feel good about himself.

Rebellion

2009-07-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

Rebellion: (noun),Opposition to established order or convention

Thats what the Oxford English Dictionary says, very broad definition indeed.
But what is the established order anyway? Why is it established this way? There are glaring loopholes in it, things that are blatantly wrong. People who follow the order staunchly know that it is wrong.And yet it is established, deep rooted. So much that doing anything against it is weird, queer,imbalanced and abnormal. People will oppose it tooth and nail, even though it does not upset their life one bit, but only because the Order is broken.
Maybe science can give us the answer.

The entropy of a natural process will always tend to go negative, so that the system can come to the stable state. Even if the stable state, in reality consists of the entities of the system randomly moving about, colliding with each other and the boundaries of the system, like a gas. Trying to create literal order here, involves increasing the entropy elsewhere, thus disturbing the order.

Imagine, in a crowded city , the traffic along the main road is moving in a very orderly fashion, people driving in textbook style and cops managing stuff perfectly. One person decides to break a rule and it disturbs the order. It increases entropy, and the effect is multiplied down the road, introducing a great level of disorder.
Now in a city where everyone is driving as if their sire owned the road. In this case, one guy standing at the red signal dutifully waiting for the light to turn green, causes disorder because people want to take off while the red signal starts counting down 10-9-8...
Here, the agent of discipline becomes the agent of chaos.

So the rebel is not always bad, he may be have a good intention, or may be simply too naive to understand the way of the world, the Order of Disorder. But that does not keep him from being marginalized. Relegated to the boundary conditions and non-ideal states which are 'negligible', by the standards of the whole system.
But even though its not powerful enough to influence the behavior of the system, the rebel does not die. Sure, its effects don't show up in the results of the equation, but is that not why the equation has an inherent error?

A system in a state of rebellion is not impossible...just very improbable.

But then why not be the rebel particle? If you cannot accept the stable state the system puts you in, why not jump out of it?
The natural, negative entropy situation was never accepted by the animal called human.
Or else there would be no cooked food, electricity, aircraft, and the multiple luxuries we enjoy by making a delta-S greater than zero here and there.

But the negative entropy situation in society and life been accepted blindly. What has the species achieved with its superior brains, that wildebeest and zebra and turtles and jellyfish do not do? They all follow the herd, the rebel gets eaten up, end of story. Wonder what great jolt of entropy will be required to put things right when chaos be the established order, what infinitesimally small probability. Even a revolution is useless here, it just brings things back where they started.

वेड लागल्याशिवाय इतिहास घडत नाही,
वेडी माणसेच इतिहास घडवतात,
आणि मग त्या इतिहासाचे कोड-कौतुक गाण्यासाठी झंकारून उठते ,
शाहिराची डफ टुण्टुणी.
आणि थारारून उठते महाकविची
नवनावोंमेशशालिनी लेखणी .
- Shivkalyanraja

Losing count

2009-06-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

Who will count the falling leaves?
Who will count the withering flowers?
Who will count the steps they tread
On paths that lie lonely?
Who can count the myriad thoughts
That approach c in v?
Who counts accidental rhymes
In lame poems he writes?
Oh we are used to all this,
Why to count?
Whoever counts the ripples on water,
Or the number of passers by??
Such counting is for useless geeks,
No sane man gives a try.

Divide and Rule: the denominators are getting bigger.

2009-06-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

If the newspapers are to be believed, the Maratha reservation issue has become the latest political scoring point. There have been riots on Shivneri on Shivajayanti, textbook changes over casteist battles, banned books, sacked archives, the works. For narrow electoral benefits, a group of leaders have very effectively turned a community's sense of pride into a restricted casteist identity, giving rise to a depressing partisan movement.
In the good old bad days, things were as simple as Hindu v/s Muslim. But that was not enough. Then came language politics, Marathi v/s South Indian. As South Indians in Maharashtra became more Marathised, it was changed to Marathi v/s North Indian. But that is state level stuff...too big for region level politics. So they discovered Marath'a' over Marath'i' . So now its Maratha v/s Brahmin or Dhangar or whatever. Whats next? 96-kuli vs 92-kuli??or Kokanastha v/s Deshastha??
Thus the denominators of this divide and rule poilicy are getting bigger and bigger. The 21st century demands that they tend to zero instead.
They should really stop teaching history in school. Half of it is never taught, the other half is repeatedly taught every 2 grades and history textbooks become apples of unnecessary political discord. And ultimately we never learn from it, even though it does repeat in front of our eyes (in ways other than recurring every two grades that is).
There was a show long ago, directed by Sanjay Khan, on Doordarshan or the early Star Plus called 'The Great Maratha' set on the backdrop of the crumbling Maratha empire in the 18th century.In it, Shahbaaz Khan (plays bad guy in numerous hindi films) played Mahadji Shinde (title role) and Bob Cristo (remeber the bald Anglo Indian actor who played the evil-white dude in old movies) played AhmadShah Abdali, the Afghan chieftan.
I remember this one episode in which , the night before the battle of Panipat, he stands on a hill at night with his man-friday , spying on the huge Maratha camp.

Abdali:
A huge camp indeed. The Marathas are truly mighty. Now I see why even the Paadshaah of Delhi shudders in his throne when the Peshwa issues a threat! But what is that?Why are there so many fires in the camp? Is it what they call Holi today?
Man-friday: No sire, those are kitchen fires. All the different castes and communities in their army have a different kitchen.
Abdali: What? They do not cook or eat together?
Man-friday: The sardars do, in ceremonies, but not commonly and not among all rank and file.Their sardars...there is dissent among them.
Abdali: Hmm...Let us go back to camp. We will be victorious tomorrow.

The rest is history as they say.But who will learn from the big picture?We are busy memorizing Abdali's birthday and arguing over who was Shivaji's chef and whatnot to realize that somewhere, another enemy is watching intently the numerous fires we have lit.

Second rain.

2009-06-07T04:26:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in our lab day before yesterday when the sky darkened and it was sure that the rains would soon come. A classmate was giving a presentation and I was trying to pay attention and ask questions despite the fact that I wanted to be outside. Sure enough, it soon started to pour. The mitti ki khushboo filled the air and a furious wind started bringing the rain in through the lab windows.
The presiding prof was kind enough to say that those who wanted to go out to get wet may do so. But the dude giving the presentation was not kind enough to stop. I did not feel like doing a sabhaa-tyaag and insult the poor guy. So I stayed on. The first rain was lashing and I was inside. But I found some comfort in the spray coming in through the windows. But some laptop owners soon made me close the windows after realizing the hazard to their precious machines. So now I was not only indoors, but also closed up inside. The presentation finally stopped and soon everyone was ready to leave the lab.
But the torrent showed no signs of subsiding. I was myself carrying a development board in my bag that I couldnt afford to introduce to the smallest droplet of water. That kept me from venturing out till the torrent reduced to a drizzle. Finally a mama gave me a plastic bag for the tronics and I was off...but the rain had stopped. I had missed the first rain and rode home feeling bored.
Then last night, the sky turned red, the clouds reflecting the urban glare, telltale signs of approaching rains. Soon enough it was pouring cats and dogs.
I went down into my building compound and got wet...but that did'nt satisfy me.
So back upstairs I went, put on some decent clothes...running shoes et al. and went out on the street. Then I ran a good 3 km from my house to the University in the torrential rain, drawing looks from people sheltered under bus stops, shop awnings and building parapets. I laughed at them in my mind! The heavy rains had reduced traffic , so I had the road to myself! Auto-wallahs stopped to ask me whether I needed to go somewhere fast and my reply drew some more puzzled looks.
Moral of the story: If you miss the first rain, the second one is good enough to provide an exhilarating experience. Running in torrential rain, on the streets at 9 PM is extremely eccentric behaviour and extreme fun as well.Its freedom.Please try this at home.

Inspiration

2009-06-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hearing the ISRO chief G Madhavan Nair's talk on the advancements in space technology by the Indian Space Programme, at the DIAT Khadakwasla was a great experience. Listening a man of this stature speak, interacting with him was a great honour and privilege.

He first recalled the early days of the Space Programme, when the headquarters was a small church donated by the kind folk of a sleepy fishing village in Kerala. Where there was an analog computer of Soviet make and numerous pieces of other equipment which were 'cutting edge' at the time. The time when he had to study each of them like a schoolboy, from zero. Add to that the responsibilty of making and launching rockets into space! The facilities taken for granted by ISRO today were non-existent back then.There was that time and there is today, when India is looked up to as a formidable player in the club of Space-going nations.
Then he said the moral of the story, which still rings in my head.

"We can achieve anything. Its just a matter of dedication and not being put down by failure."

Now thats what you call inspiration...

Skeletons in the Cabinet?

2009-05-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

The new Council of Ministers has been announced.
While Madam G and The Man have done a good thing by rejecting Arjun Singh, Bhardwaj and Shivraj Patil, they have at the same time shown that they are after all, politicians, adept Shatranj ke Khiladi.

Firstly, that most inept of Chief Ministers, whose glorious reign climaxed into on 26/11, who was, in the purest of terms, given the boot, has been reinstated to a Ministerial berth, that too with an MOS post. Does this have anything to do with his closeness to a certain cricket-loving-farmer?? and the coming State elections in October?? One wonders.

Secondly, a man who had been relegated to a Gubernatorial post (read political-retirement-prep-school) has been brought out of retirement and appeased with a Cabinet Ministry (involving many friendly visits to foreign lands). Does this have anything to do with the party's fallen bastion in the South that it wants to regain?

There are many young ministers this time. How come all of them happen to be faithful soldiers of the Babalog-brigade? Sons and daughters taking oaths of office with their mothers and fathers or uncles or parents-in-law?

A stupid family feud down south has resulted in one very able man getting a sidey portfolio, while a very shady character takes charge of the chair regulating India's fastest growing industries.

Lalu was insulted. He will be plotting his vengeance and people will suffer whether he gets it or not.

The mapping of some ministers to portfolios appears to be an indeterminate function.

All these are sure signs that the present government will leave no stone unturned to consolidate power for the next two generations of the Family.If they succeed we could have a stable government for the next decade or two.
Else it will be a repeat of the turbulent mid-90's in 2014. Once the government is assured of this stability scenario, how much time will go before it starts becoming complacent? Of course the Opposition parties will rob the government's sleep over every baby that falls into a bore-well...but what good does that do for the people?
There is no one to scare the new government to be good, clean and on its toes for the next five years. They will have to be scared into thinking that they will be overthrown pretty soon and so they better work for the people.

A very unique filesystem

2009-05-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

In the Linux lab, VRD baba and I were battling some post lunch boredom. After many unsuccessful attempts at setting up a lab full of news clients, VRD had collapsed into a great sadness. Dark clouds covered the sky...great big birds of carrion,began to circle overhead, the wind wailed a mournful tune...

(Ok Im getting a bit carried away here. Actually it was a rainy and the great big birds were actually black kites who hover over the river through our campus.But you get the idea)
Yours truly on the other hand was fed up of playing around with export configuration files of the network file system. It was then that we discussed a very peculiar filesystem used by our great film industry.

K3FS:
Kaale Kaarnaamon Ki File-System
The early specification of this filesystem was in the great films of the 70's the K3FS (Kaale Kaarnaamon Ki File System).
Every bad guy is required to painstakingly maintain a K3F. It details ALL his crimes. From the first apple stolen to the latest Videshi Gang-on ke saath hui deal. Every robbery, every assault on a lady's dignity, every abduction, extortion, murder, scams et al is documented with evidence and organized
into a very neat file. Each Kaalaa Kaarnaamaa is described, with murders often represented as a big 8x10 pic of the departed and a red sketch-pen-drawn cross on it.
And of course there also is the contact information of every shady character whom this bad guy has ever dealt with.
Implementation is often in the form of a brightly coloured diary, or a big file which is hidden among cash,jewelery in a safe in the inner chambers of the villain's ostentatious hideout where he keeps pet sharks/ alligators/ leopard (who eat him in the end) and where he watches Helen dance while sipping a drink with an Arab or two and a couple of Marwari seths and Whites at a 'jashn'.
The hero of the film/ some virtuous character / villain's dushman-bad-guy is supposed to steal the K3F and the film then revolves around the numerous tribulations all the characters in the film undergo so that the K3F reaches the good cop (often in the form of Ifthekaar) and the bad guys' Kaale kaarnaame undergo a Purdah-phaash ritual.
This implementation of the K3FS continued to be in use till the early years of the new millenium with Soldier [Starring Bobby Deol and Priety Zinta(where art thou?!) ] being the last documented film which made use of this fs.
More recent implementations involve miny cd's/dvd's'memory cards...
But the architecture and applications of the K3F remains! and will so till Hindi film's bad guys get smart and start encrypting their K3F's.

Nasty Songs

2009-05-22T23:41:00.000-07:00

The other day I caught myself whistling Kishor Kumar's 'Meri Bheegi Bheegi Si' from Anamika. Not once but thrice, in the company of three different friends. Two of them actually asked me why I was whistling that song. It then occured to me that this is one of those nasty songs, which heard out of their filmy context seem very mean.
The song is brilliantly sung and the music is haunting, but the lyrics, though poetic are not something one says to anyone! Its downright nasty.
On deeper thought, it occurs to me how quite a few brilliant pieces of music fall in this 'nasty' category.
For example 'Mata na tu vairini' (GaDiMaa, Sudhir Phadke) from the Geet Ramayan is the big daddy of such songs and Emosional Attyachaar is the latest addition. Linkin Park's 'Breaking the Habit' , Sonu Nigam's career-turning 'Accha Silah Dia' from Kishan Kumar's very forgettable debut film.
Their sheer musical brilliance makes them addictive. So its best to avoid the bitter lyrics and whistle them out!

In Defence of Pugilism

2009-05-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

I live with my 75 year old sweet grandmother, one of the last Nehruvian socialists.
As debate has always been encouraged in the family, we often have the most interesting arguments an amazingly large percentage of which end in her saying, "Shut up kid...you are too young"(which signals my victory in the debate).

The following argument occurred over dinner last weekend when (or because?) my mom paid us a visit.

Grandma: Why do you box?
Me: Because I like it and for fitness.
Mom: (Amused silence)
GM: Why don't you go to the gym like before.
Me: I'm sick of pushing around dead weights in a closed room. I want something more sporty.
GM: Whats wrong with tennis or football?
Me: Never fancied tennis, while football is downright dangerous.
GM: And boxing is'nt?
Me: Come on...eleven guys trying to kick me, from all directions and a mad ball vs one guy I can see, boxing is so much safer.
Mom:(laughs)
GM: (To mom) Why don't you tell him...first hes climbing, then riding bikes, now this.
Mom: Why should I dictate terms? He's grown now. Let him be.
GM: (To me) And what does your dad have to say about it?
Mom:(interrupting me) He rather fancies the idea.
GM:I knew it, but why not play a proper sport??
Me: It IS an Olympic sport. As a matter of fact the highest number of individual Olympic medals won by Indians have been in boxing, as of Beijing 08.

GM: Thats because our country has the highest number of Goonda's.

At this point my mother burst into laughter.
My sweet old grandmother had just delivered a knockout punch!

For lack of anything else to say, I went back to silently serving myself more bhaaji. A minute later my mom stopped laughing and very nicely explained to her mom that pugilism is a respected sport like any other and does good to the boxer by keeping him strong and focused under stressful conditions(something I had told her before :P ), and that she should chill. So she did, thanks to my mom.

Political Linux Joke

2009-05-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

Q : What does Madam G do when she gets stuck while using Linux?

A: She types in 'man mohan'

The one legged lead the lame!

2009-05-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

The election results are out!
60% of India has elected its leader for the next five years.
The Congress and allies are eating sweets, their opponents and former allies, now estranged are eating their words and actions.
Here's my three paise to the 'analysis':

The good part!:
Singh is King again!
(Despite what I have said about him before, he does happen to be the best man for the job currently, although madam G is still the supremo, this man has shown tremendous courage and fortitude recently.)

After a long time a single party has got a very large majority leading to a much stabler Delhi. An alliance is not as critical to the INC and its faithful allies to form the government as in 2004. So the amount of horse trading and shameful wooing of the small fry will be significantly low this time.

The Left has faced its Panipat. Period.
The Third Front was always a joke...now people are actually laughing at it.
Fourth front has a little more than four seats at the front.
Regional partisan parties like the SP, BSP, RJD who tried to go national have fallen flat on their faces.Amar Singh won't be smiling any more... I really wanted to hear JayaPrada's explanation for not killing herself...but she won.
Lalu and Mayawati's Delhi dreams have been dashed.

Saffron brigade has gone back to the drawing boards for Aatma-chintan. Hope they realize that building temples is not the way to development.

The bad part:
This was only the verdict from approx 60% voting. Would 90-100% have changed the Saffron brigade's fortunes?

Alliance is still a must.Even the single largest party has not got 50% majority.

MNS, even after losing in all places where it contested, lost by a small margin, signalling the slow and steady rise of Raj-T in Maharashtra to replace the SS. In the future, one partisan may be replaced by another.

Babalog brigade has won. Rahul baba is being endorsed by the PM for a cabinet post, strenghthening the Dynasty. Singh is already 76. By 2014 he'll be ready to retire, and Baba will be a 'mature' 40+ . Get it?

The ugly part:
The Nations problems remain unsolved.
Farmers are still killing themselves. Terrorists are still at large. The economy is still screwed and the roads are still potholed. Region and religion are still factors.
The one legged still lead the lame.

Geek Quotient Check

2009-05-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

Take this simple small questionnaire to find out whether you are normal, or if you apply your knowledge of science, math or raw intelligence a bit too much.

1. How many xkcd's do you actually get?

a. Whats an xkcd?
b. Some
c. Most or All

2. What is your chief source of adrenaline?

a. Anything not involving brains.
b. Gaming/sport/speedy machines/y-k-w
c. Math / coding

3. You are out with a member of the opposite sex and sipping a drink from one glass through two straws. Your thoughts are:

a. Wow!! :) :)
b. Wow!!Wonder who will end up drinking more!
c. Wow!! If the pressure heads created by both of us are different then will the drink flow from her/his straw to mine? Of course the velocity will depend on the viscosity of the drink , the difference in straw levels and the heads...aaaargh...must calculate...

4. That person does not want to see you again:

a. No
b. Depends.
c. Hey! how'd you guess?

5.You can tell a programming language inventor from a notorious serial killer.

a. Whats that supposed to mean?
b. Hmm... maybe
c. I can, but how dare you compare the two??

6. The gnu is:

a. An animal cracker.
b. An animal.
c. A quadrupedal mammal of the bovine genus OR Not Unix

7. Who's the don?

a. Amitabh / SRK /Mithunda
b. Corleone
c. Knuth

8. If someone says centrifugal force, what is your reaction?

a. Should there be one?
b. Its the force that pushes you back when the bus rounds a corner.
c. Its NOT a force...its a pseudo force.

9. You have had an argument over relativity and the twins paradox :

a. Why should one be arguing over what Einstein claims to be true.
b. Once...with a classmate/ friend
c. Every time the topic is tackled, even with a Prof.

10. By this time you have figured out that:

a. Most a's means you are not a geek at all and rest assured will not become one if you follow this course.

b. Most b's means you are a normal person, fairly scientific and decently informed.

c. Most c's means you are a gone case geek and you need a life. And you feel that this gradation is inaccurate. The Geek Quotient must be determined by the variance of the score from the mean score which equals the number of questions multiplied by the weight attached to 'b'...

NOTE:
I got an almost balanced number of b's and c's.

/usr/games/fortune : 1

2009-05-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a plan...till they get whooped in the face.

- Mike Tyson (the American, not the Puneite )

Paths

2009-05-10T18:55:00.000-07:00

Walking up the mountain, many paths I saw.
Some were below me, some above.
Some I had taken before, some were unexplored.
Some were paths of no return,
No more could I walk them.
But all of them led up, to the lonely top.
Only the view was different.

I think of paths I never trod,
Of forks where I turned one way or the other.
Of songs I never sang, birds I never heard.
To the forks they call me back, but heed them I cannot.
For only scree and water go down the mountain.
My path leads up, up to the lonely top.
Where the songbirds are seldom heard,
Where the water is often still,
And the waving flags tell the wind,
The names of those victorious.

Resetting the core

2009-05-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

I got to trudge up a mountain after exactly six months, the longest time I have gone without doing so. Needless to say, sanity had taken a hit and the exam season had not helped in any way. So I when Sith put forward the plan a few weeks ago, I jumped onto the bandwagon or rather bike.
We rode to the base of fort Torna, an excellent ride in the cool (by summer standards) morning weather. Leaving our bikes at Shaila-tai's place, courtesy the graciousness of our friend Mr Lole on whose farm we were to put up for the night.
The sun was just beginning to get harsh and it was in this 10 o clock glare that we began the ascent. Two hours of climbing in the searing heat and we were on the top of the fort. We made good time despite the heat and some of us being short of breath. After a hearty lunch, the ex-baba, Enthu and Nik settled down for a nap while the rest of us set of to explore the fort.
My main motive was to do a recce to determine the way down from the budhla machi to the ridge connecting Torna and Murumbdev, the neighbouring mountain which houses Rajgad. Halfway to the Machi, we encountered the very jagged and precarious horizontal rock patch I had heard about but not seen last time due to the monsoon fog.
Leaving Sith and Baba behind at this point, Moiyyad and I went ahead, he negotiated the patch very nicely for an infrequent trekker (and very carelessly too) which led me to give him a friendly reprimand, first of many to come.
We went right up to the end of the Budhla machi and finally found saw the path under a Buruj.
We climbed halfway down the rock face till we were sure that this was the way to the ridge. So back we went, and got almost dehydrated, finding all tanks on the top dry or dirty.But we found a great shortcut and a chor darwaza on the way back. Back under the arch where we had settled for lunch, we finished the last of our water. Enthu and ex-baba were out clicking pics.
After a great nap, I woke at 4. Sith and ex-Baba had ' filtered ' the green water in desparation. They even drank it, with no ill effect.
At around five we started climbing down and were at our bikes in an hour.
After downing 5-6 litres of water between us in the village, we headed back to the farm.
At this point I noticed that I had not clicked a single photograph during the hike and I was feeling better than ever. It all clicked right there. The feeling of climbing after a long time made me forget everything else. All thoughts, deep and mundane, accumulated over the last few months disappeared like dust in the mountain wind. There was no feeling of any kind. The Sahyadri once again filled me with a stillness I had been seeking for a long time.
The realization made rest of the trip even better.
Very soon I hope to be back for the Torna-Rajgad one day hike.

Shameful incident witnessed

2009-04-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

A guy in my class was caught red handed during an exam paper this morning. He had, hidden under his pad three whole a4 sized pages scribbled with notes in fine print.
Currently he has been detained and awaiting disciplinary action, besides the obvious stuff, firing, call to parents etc.
As sad as I feel for this guy, I feel the ruthlessness is justified. Many guys whisper around during exams and might be exchanging the odd chit. But this was audaciously outrageous. More than showing lack of study and laziness it shows the degradation of character. People think its o-k to whisper around, exchange small chits, taking a glance at your neighbour's paper...but whom are they fooling?
Integrity has ceased to remain an object of aspiration. Its so shameful to see something like this happening among your own brethren.

Banana Republic Lives!

2009-04-13T03:35:00.001-07:00

http://chroniclesofthebananarepublic.blogspot.com/

Still scratching my head over this one...

2009-04-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

These spiritual window-shoppers,
who idly ask, 'How much is that?' Oh, I'm just looking.
They handle a hundred items and put them down,
shadows with no capital.

What is spent is love and two eyes wet with weeping.
But these walk into a shop,
and their whole lives pass suddenly in that moment,
in that shop.

Where did you go? "Nowhere."
What did you have to eat? "Nothing much."

Even if you don't know what you want,
buy something, to be part of the exchanging flow.

Start a huge, foolish project,
like Noah.

It makes absolutely no difference
what people think of you.

Rumi, 'We Are Three', Mathnawi VI, 831-845

Can anyone figure this out?

Abhimanyu

2009-04-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

The Mahabhaarat is a timeless epic. Anyone who grew up on a diet of Amar Chitra Katha must be knowing the full story. But as one meets with different experiences and taxes his association cortex, one realizes the eternal relevance, practicality and deep meanings of this epic...yes even if you have read just the story. Time will teach you the moral on its own.

Abhimanyu, the son of Arjuna and Subhadra was a mighty warrior, who learned most of the art of war in his mother's womb, when his father was describing the various aspects of combat. He even told her the secret of the Chakravyuha...the mighty war formation which, of all the disciples of Drona, only he had learned to break in and out of.
Abhimanyu learnt how to break in.
Then, his mom fell asleep (I wonder which female would not fall asleep if all her husband talked to her about was the finer nuances of archery and combat.)and
Arjuna stopped talking. So Abhimanyu never figured out how to break out of the Vyuha.

Later he grew up to be a mighty (and arrogant) warrior. In the Great War on the Kurukshetra, when Drona marshalled the Kauravas into the Chakravyuha, Arjuna and Krishna were busy tackling another mighty foe on another front of battle. The Kauravas' Chakravyuha was laying waste to the Pandava forces.

Ultimately Abhimanyu broke into the Vyuha, despite being advised otherwise, relying on his supposedly invincible uncles to help him break out after wreaking havoc on the forces.

But this dude called Jayadratha had a boon which enabled him to hold off the uncles.(They did not know this). So Abhimanyu was trapped in the Vyuha.
Although he fought bravely and did a lot of damage, he was ultimately surrounded and killed, with no one to help.
In the end, he had lost all weapons and armour and fought with a chariot wheel.

Morals of the story:
1.Half knowledge will screw you in the long run. (The boy did not even bother to learn from his father how to break out)
2.Contingency plans to cover for the half knowledge have a knack of going wrong.(Whoever imagined that a jerk like Jayadratha had a boon from the Gods?)

Hats off to Vyasa for writing such great stuff thousands of years ago and Anant Pai who made sure this epic reached our generation.

Question of ettiquette

2009-04-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

I was under the impression that when you park your bike in a tightly packed parking lot, where the separation between two vehicles is equal to the diameter of their owners' legs, one should keep the handlebar unlocked so that if someone needs to take the bike out of the slot, there will be no entanglement of handlebar paraphernalia.
However I was rudely informed this morning by my friend the Grey Sith that it leaves your bike vulnerable to theft.
I appreciate the grandmotherly concern of my friend, but the planning the thief will have to put in for this will have to be amazing.

Steal-Unlocked-Bike-Algorithm:

S1. Walk into campus.
S2. For (every parking lot)
{ For(every bike)
{ if ( unlocked == TRUE )
stop checking
}
}
S3.Drag the bike out of campus
S4. Drag the bike to the nearest keymaker
S5. IF((hes honest ) && (he has a blank for that bike))
{convince him that it is indeed your bike
get the key made
}
ELSE
{he's your accomplice...get the key}
congrats, you have ripped off a guy

I will analyse this algo the way The Don's books taught us , very soon, but I suppose, in a big city like where I live and a campus that isn't miniscule either, the asymptotic complexity of this algorithm will mean more work and less profit for the theives.

Rest assured I WILL lock the bars every time I park, just so that I do not become the victim of practical jokes.

// no points for guessing who will be the first to comment on this post...or maybe Murphy will strike and someone else wil be the first, but now that I have said this, that person will indeed be the first...damn you Hiesenberg

Ham Matvaale (We the voters)

2009-03-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

Its Election year for the worlds largest democracy.

Hundreds of Millions of people,all in the 'productive age group' are entitled to vote to elect their leaders, those few hundred who will represent them in the 16 th Lok Sabha.

This year, there has been a record surge in young people coming forward and registering to vote, suggesting that in these cynical times, there is hope and faith remaining in the Democratic system.

An ad campaign by a tea producer turned into an awareness and registration campaign. We have seen the ads:

Azadi Guy1: If you are not voting on election day, you are asleep. Drink tea.
Cynical Girl: Vote, Vote...but whom to vote for???
Cynical Guy: Yeah...and how do we register to vote?
AzadiGuy2: Jaagore.com ...drink tea.

Ok...so question 2 has been answered very well and the registrations speak for themselves. But question 1 is yet unanswered.
In a similar rant a few days ago, it was shown that the choice of our leader is made by the dictum "Andhon me kana raja".
But even though the leader on top is a good one, it is the hundreds of bad men and women who are supposed to represent people at the constituency level that matter a lot. A few ideologically blinded people can almost topple a government. That was amply demonstrated by the nuke deal episode. And a coalition government has survival as task number 1 and everything else is second.
People do not vote because the first question is still unanswered.

There is an obscure rule in the Conduct of Election Procedure Manual 1961(available here).
It is rule 49-O.
It has a provision for going to the booth, signing your name and not voting. It is equivalent to voting for no one. There was a massive email hoax surrounding this very rule that "if the number of such null votes exceeds the number of valid votes then there are re-elections with new candidates, the older candidates are barred. "
Sadly it is a hoax. But isn't it a great idea.
Imagine what it will be if the majority of people rise and reject all the current candidates by voting them out!...the ultimate form of democratic protest.
Imagine what it will be if the current generation of useless leaders is barred from elections! It is the revolution we need.

The ECI had written to the Prime Minister in 2004, informing that there is huge public demand for turning the hoax into a real law and that it is constituitionally possible to do so by amending sections 49A and B.

There has been massive public hankering for NOTA option on the EVM's. But no attention has been paid to these amendments while the amendment bills increaseing the salaries of MP's MLA's and the President and PM were unanimously made and passed.
The call for these revolutionary amendments must not stop due to government opppostion and apathy. This is an important election.
Can a greater difference not be made by invoking 49-O, recording it, then knowing how many null votes there are by invoking the RTI act, than voting for the "least corrupt and least criminal guy". ?

Thud!

2009-03-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

A power failure in my buildings gym caused people to fall off their treadmills. Man that must have hurt! Thats why I run outdoors!

Bug!

2009-03-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

C++ haters will love this one:

"Actually it should be called ++C, because we want to use a language only after its been improved. The name itself has a bug "

Euphemism

2009-03-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

This is a true incident that occured three years ago which I was suddenly reminded of. Always makes me laugh.
Location: Ruia Katta.
Characters: A guy B, his new-found girlfriend G, the author, a girl T and one chap we will call H.

A physics lecture was in progress in the class that B,T, H and yours truly were supposed to be in, but were not, but were whiling away time at the famous katta.
Enter G, (after bunking her lecture too).
T is aware of the equations as most girls uncannily are , while I am not really acquainted with G and H is blissfully ignorant.
G and B start talking and decide to go out to eat. B gives T the look that demands some alone time with G.

T whispers to the two unaware guys "Chalo, we need to take a kalti, lets play badminton".
I get the message and say.."Im going home". We get up to leave.
But H is hungry. And doesn't hear what T whispers.

B to G: Wanna eat...im hungry?
G: Sure.

H: Cool yaar...lets go to Gulshan Cafe. Im hungry too.

B: (hesitant and shocked) Are you?...

G: [Silent, patient]

B: Arre yaar...didnt you have practice today?

H: [dosent get it] Nope...i want to eat Gulshans kheema-pav

T: Play badminton with me...this idiot is going home.

B: Ya, you havent played in ages.

H: Exactly, she will beat me...I dont wanna lose.

Me: [trying to help] H, I got you the Half Life CD [truth] ...if you have no work now, we could run home and play .

H: Hmm...

B: Think about it.

H: [Still hasnt got it] I haven't had chicken in a long time yaar...

This is where B loses it. But H is too dear a friend and he doesn't want to utter expletives in front of G, who is bored.What follows is a conversation that will be forever etched in Katta history.

B: You really love chicken dont you?

H: Yes

B: And you completely love Kababs na?

H: Wow...kababs! [visibly salivating like Shenzi Banzai and Ed]

B: How would you like it if you were eating Gulshan's best reshmi kababs, and you found a bone in one of them?

H: That would suck...i would hate it.

B: I would hate it too.

~Moment of realization, silence for a second~

H: Oh...[very effectively hides the "tubelight goes on" expression]
Guess i'll prefer Half Life... Are you still in a mood to play?

Me: [Suppressing laughter] Yes.

T: [Suppressing laughter] Ok, I'd like to play too.

H: Then lets scoot...what are we waiting for...you two are so slow...

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing Half Life at H's place and laughing over the incident and at H.
B and G are still together.

Disgraceful and Outrageous

2009-03-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

What is worse and more shameful ?

The Indian Premier League being shifted to another country's soil because we cannot guarantee security on ours...or the fact that elections in India need security personnel to be mobilized on a war footing?

Lost

2009-03-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

We have had enough lost pen drives to afford a peta byte storage device to the one who collects them all. We have had enough lost bags to be sufficient for a joint family trekking to Nathu La. We have had some lost keys, some t shirts and quite a few files and books.
An entire girl in a pink saree has also been lost and being searched more earnestly than Henry Morton Stanley ever looked for Livingstone.

I am going to send a mail to the college id saying

"I am lost. Please help me find myself.Last time I remember being at the BC. I am wearing a black t shirt and a pair of blue jeans. I am very important to myself. I promise to give a treat to the one who finds me. Obviously you will contact me if you find me. Do not forget to make your greeting as famous as Stanley's or else the treat will be cut down"

Quite a Lineup!

2009-03-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

The first is a puppet, whose name means Lion, but behaviour is more like a mouse.

The second is a businessman to the bone and has been named by the Stamp scam kingpin, as the Uber-Kingpin.

The third is a casteist partisan, already under federal investigation for corruption.

The fourth is a religious fanatic who has directed mayhem and riots in the past, gone to jail, and not shown remorse.

Who are all these?

They are candidates for the post of Prime Minister!

Know what's worse?
One of them is going to get the job.

Segmentation fault

2009-03-16T00:21:00.000-07:00

A novice programmer's greatest nightmare. Akin to a velociraptor attacking from the side.Often experienced by Turbo C fanatics after shifting to GCC.
It is the fault caused by dereferencing a pointer pointing to memory that is not being used by the program using that pointer.
Pointing to memory that is not yours...a human error, dutifully followed by the computer... but ultimately a human error. Which brings me to an interesting thought.
Don't we humans make so many segmentation faults in real life too? We desire all that is not ours. We dream of using things that we do not yet have in our hands. We extrapolate the property rates five years hence of the land we haven't bought yet. We decide what branch we want based on how we think the industry will be after four years. We calculate and base every action based on the fruit which we have not, may or may not get. We build castles in the air. All of humanity is united in running after the birds in the bush, including Bush himself.
And when we cannot ' access ' these fruits, when the great OS in the sky tells us that we are dereferencing a pointer dangling on the tall mast of our own aspirations...that's a segmentation fault.
Sometimes its core dumped...entire lives are ruined in foolish pursuits driven by the desire of the fruit. The spirit of action is either dying, or is already dead.
It is then natural for our faults to extend to our faithful servants of silicon, isn't it?

~getting too many seg-faults in ones program, cool weather and VilayatKhan playing in your earphones, is an excellent combo for such philosophical musings~

Smell of the soil

2009-03-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

Its the most wonderful aroma in the world. When the soil is wetted by rain.
Everyone knows it and scarcely anyone dislikes it. It is actually the smell of the spores of Actinomycetes in the soil, which get thrown into the air when water hits the soil. The omnipresence of these fungi in all corners of the world has made this smell somewhat universal.
And when it rains after a terribly hot and dry spell, this smell hangs thick in the air, since the actinos are particularly active in hot weather. Its carried on the wind and fills the atmosphere, and it brings a swoon like a potent drug in action. and it makes one happy.
Its also the only things that drives me to water the plants in my balcony. The higher you hold the watering jug, the better the smell.

AVR (mis)adventures continue...

2009-03-12T03:22:00.000-07:00

पिछले episode में आपने देखा...
falconer और acTivate, atmega8 के लिए लिखते हैं । लेकिन उनकी कोड में बहुत error होते हैं। बहुत कोशिश के बाद कोड compile हो जाती है। Hex फाइल बन जाती है। लेकिन क्या वे उसे कंट्रोलर में लोड कर पाएंगे??
अब आगे...

1730: $ make install
"command not found"
errno 127

Something is really wrong. The commands in the makefile dont seem to load the hex code into the flash controller.

1800: After going through the code (dunno why) and the makefile twice again, still no luck.
1830: Electronics team calls "Our job is almost done...when are you guys getting the controller"
I reply like a politician, "Soon"

I said to AcTivate "या तो हम यह complete नही करेंगे, या तो कल सुबह का सूरज नही उगेगा.. "
(Dialogue filched from Khuda Gawah, with modifications)

1830-1930: Searching frantically on the net for answers.

2000: Desperately call a Prof. Doesn't pick up.

2030: Graciously he calls back...I'm explaining the problem when his cellphone battery dies

2100: We uninstall and reinstall the entire development environment.

2130: E-Team- "Where the hell are you people"

2200: We have lost hope, now we plan to give direct pulses through the parallel port to the camera that's to be triggered if we cant make this work in half an
hour.

2230: AcTivate has completely resigned to the fates. A sudden stroke of inspiration strikes me...the kind that makes you think..."Why the blue blazes did I not think of this before???"
I decide to ditch the commands and go to the uisp man page.AcTivate looks on.

2245: $ uisp -dprog=dapa -dpart=atmega8 --upload if=speed_0.hex
$ wait...
$ loaded in flash

Woohoo! The Gods be praised !!!
AcTivate and I jump with joy!

Later...we wolfed down a cold dinner. I did the wolfing. AcTivate was down. Rode to college at 2300. Handed over the controller to the e-team, who was busy celebrating their own success. While the Sith was lying in front of Appsci (yes,on the ground). Deciding we had nothing better to do now, we traded bikes and rode a good 10-12 km on the traffic free roads !

~~Here the author pauses to bow to the sheer awesomeness of Yamaha and TVS Apache and exhorts all readers to always wear a helmet while riding and follow all traffic rules, even on the deserted roads after 2300~~

Still later...a glitch in the interrupt handling procedure sent me and AcTivate back to the code, which we wrote back from scratch in what remained of that night.

Compiled, loaded without a single hitch at 600 hrs on D-Day.
The right LEDs are flashing on command.

The sun is rising (remember Khuda Gawah??... isnt that filmy)

A very stoned acTivate is dropped home by a stoned yours truly on the way to college, who hands the controller to the team, helps in giving dhakka to an offroad vehicle and goes home and drops on the sofa.

Even later...problems with impedance matching make sure that the controller ultimately doesnt work (WTF!!)

Morals of the story:

A controller is only as good as the programmers, but the Atmega rocks anyway.
Man pages and datasheets may not look like them, but they are your friends.
Start early , coz you are gonna finish late anyhow.
The Apache vibrates...but rocks nevertheless.

AVR (mis)adventures

2009-03-09T21:28:00.000-07:00

So we required a Micro-controller (herafter called uC for convenience) for a contest in college. My electronics team was keen on the ancient Intel 8051, but they had only just begun to learn how it was to be programmed, being still better than me, who didnt even know how many pins it had. Add to that the relative lack of resources (read development environment) for the aforementioned uC and the author's own sense of Maaz, which led us to the Atmel AVR Atmega8 uC.

Its a Harvard Architecture, RISC, pipelined uC with 8k of Flash memory and efficient power management, available in DIP and QFP....(ok now this is beginning to sound like page 1 of the datasheet).
But nevertheless, lets say its a very capable uC, if the people who handle it are capable enough.

So the adventure started with an overview of the sheer amount of stuff available on the net on this uC, which gave this newbie the confidence to proceed ahead. After downloading the datasheet, library manual, and discovering that the packages required for the development environment were already in my OS
(Linux rocks), the confidence was stepped up like voltage in a transformer.
Next morning I went to Rajiv electronics in ye olde Sadashiv Peth, and made the purchases of the uC and the stuff required for the DAPA cable.
Next day the dapa and the programming environment was ready, and the night was spent reading the datasheet, and finding readymade code for our purpose, and making sense of some Ultrasonic distance meter code.
When I had reverse engineered the code and Guido Socher's makefile, I was so confident of success, that I handed over the stuff to mr.acTivate, a fellow Linux freak and went back to other pending duties assured that the rest will be done without me.

This is when the mis joins the adventure.

T-1 days, 240 hrs IST:
At this unearthly hour, a very sleepy acTivate sends me a text message that he finds the code inscrutable and the pin-out mysterious and has found a few bugs, and has had no success setting up the development evironment.
T-1 800:
I call acTivate (groggy). He says "we can do this only with your computer".
I say "come at 1100"
T-1, 1100 :
I come back after dropping off my grandmother to the station. No sign of acTivate.
T-1 1200:
AcTivate arrives. We start debugging the code. Black coffee one downed
1400:
Obvious coding errors removed.
1415:
Makefile reverse engineered (again).
1430:
$ make
(15 errors and 5 warnings)
1500: $ make
(10 errors only, 3 warnings)
1530: $ make
(4 errors, one warning)
1530-1600: Scouring through the code, manuals, datasheets to find the errors and solutions
1630: $ make
(only one error to go)
1700: $ make
(Success!!!)
1700-1715: Maggi break, second black coffee downed.

Now the hard part started.
To be continued....

Just like that...

2009-03-06T09:27:00.000-08:00

उत्तरे चुकू शकतात ... गणित चुकत नाही
पाऊले थकू शकतात , अंतरे थकत नाहीत
वाळुवरची अक्षरे , पुसट होत जातात
डोळ्यांचे रंग फिकट होत जातात
तीव्रतेचे उग्र गंध, विरळ होत जातात
शेपटीच्या टोकावरचे हट्ट्... सरळ होत जातात

Jab Chod Chale Instru Building....

2009-03-03T07:21:00.000-08:00

The department of Instrumentation and Control at COEP had served as the HQ for the Astronomy club almost since the club's birth. Not only had it always supported all kinds of club activities, but had been the only department that remained open on weekends for the benefit of students.

To regular members of the club it has been an adoptive second department, like a home. Where the Mama's are always cooperative and the HOD himself proudly sports the club T-shirt, where the water coolers are always...well, cool.
It is where telescopes have been made from scratch, where weird adhesives have been discovered in the dead of the night and working stepper motors have been found in junk. The roof of Instru is where the stars have first started revealing their magic to quite a few students. The steps have witnessed people rising to Sainthood!
That is Instru...that was Instru.
No more the haven for anyone. Locked in the administrative strait-jacket, unwillingly, but firmly, at least for the time being.
Its only after one loses a home like this that the value of the sense of belonging is truly grasped. Now I know the meaning of that chapter in the Std-10 'Balbharti' English text, the one which talked about a sense of belonging. Now I begin to slightly imagine what it must be like to be a refugee.
Saigal's 'Jab Chod Chale Lukhnow Nagri...' never felt so poignant.

Gag order!

2009-02-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

The Honourable Supreme Court of India, has gone on a draconian path by seeking to restrict the freedom of speech of bloggers.
Details at this link.

Whether or not this guy's comment's were not neutral, but really inflammatory is immaterial.

Because, rabid politicians can say anything inflammatory / abusive / vulgar/ disruptive / downright seditious / unconstitutional and they will get off with a day in lock up which will see rioting outside by the cronies of these people.

And now bloggers, ordinary citizens will have to face 'consequences ' of their use of their freedom of expression. The saga continues...

Shri Ram, Say Nay!

2009-02-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

They came, they broke bones and glasses, they got arrested, got acquitted, received pink undergarments, gave back sarees and bindis and became very famous.
Two weeks are past, Slumdog is at the Oscars and everyone including the most desperate news channels have forgotten about the adventures of Muthalik and Co. Not till next year's V day will this issue be dug up and dusted.
Unless these people keep up their antics, which they most probably will, considering that it's an election year.

There will be more attempts to "rescue our culture from the White man's influence". There will be rabid speeches hitting out at other religions and at the ruling alliance for sheltering them. There will be more calls for a Ram temple in Ayodhya, more sensational comments by Baa- Thaa and the rest of the saffron brigade.
There will be nationwide agitations against the Setusamudram project.
There will be more Rath-Yatra's, clamouring for a temple.

(It seems that building that Ram mandir will solve all the problems that India faces now, right from the national security problem and the screwed up agricultural and industrial scenario, to the health of Sachin Tendulkar's shoulder. Got problem?...build temple...and presto!)

There will also be lame attempts at vote bank politics by declaring special reservations for minority groups, which will only add fuel to the fire, quite justifiably for once, making things worse.

There will be dramatic episodes of garlanding the photos of Col. Purohit and his bomb brigade. There will be a few movies banned because the Bajrang Dal didn't like them.
And 80% of the people in this country stand a chance od being taken in by all that.
In short there is a lot to look forward to then, this year,
all in the name of 'Ram'.

And we think that only Pakistan is being taken over by the fundamentalists.

Only one of the many films that Dev Anand directed had something of meaning to convey, Hare Rama Hare Krishna.
There was a very nice song in this film, (music by RD Burman, sung by Kishore Kumar)

Dekho duniyaa waalon, tum yeh kaam na karo
Raam kaa naam badnaam na karo, badnaam na karo.

Pray in the name of Ram these words will make some sense to our people, because they wont make any sense to the men and women vying for the kursi.

Blots on Saffron: 1

2009-02-18T18:31:00.000-08:00

Your Shivaji, My Shivaji

According to his contemporary historians, Chatrapati Shivaji was born on Phalgun Krishna Tritiya Shake 1552, which mathematically comes to 19th February 1630.

This molehill of historical trivia has been made into a mountain of religious and linguistic politics by not just the Right, but also the so called Secularists (lets call them Centre, because that's where they have been for a long time). The Left also pitches in with its own stupid comments on the 'issue'.

No more needs to be said about the deeds and greatness of Shivaji and his brave people. It is difficult for us to imagine the hardships of that time , the devotion and sacrifice of the people.
If one goes to Pavankhind and sees the precariousness of that pass and the rock faces there, one will be baffled at how men could actually fight wars on terrain like this.

Thanks to such tales of courage and nobility, Shivaji remains one of the few true Heroes our generation has.

But how can the political parties let that persist?
For the very reason, that Shivaji still lives among his people, parties want him for themselves. They want a copyright on his history for themselves, believe themselves to be legal heirs to his legacy.

For narrow electoral purposes, they have created an image of Shivaji for themselves which they claim to be true and believe it to be theirs. The Right projects him as the Hindu Lion, thus fitting him into their narrow Hitlerist agenda.

True, he was a Hindu and there's no overstating the Lion part.
But some facts are conveniently forgotten:
Shivaji NEVER desecrated mosques or any other religion's relics.
One of his gurus was Yakut Baba, a Muslim saint.
He had hundreds of Muslims in his Army and specially Navy, whose chief was Daryasarang DaulatKhan and had appointed Kazi Haider as the Chief Justice of the Empire.

Coming back to the Shivajayanti issue: The Centre celebrates it today, but the Right has boycotted it, saying that its the Hindu calendar we must follow and not the Gregorian.(According to the Left it shouldn't be celebrated at all ) And so they celebrate it on Phalgun Krishna Tritiya.
A uniting icon, has thus been converted into a dividing factor.

Honestly, does it matter WHEN Shivaji was born??

What matters is that he WAS born, he spent his life fighting for freedom ,justice and equality. In the process he awakened pride and honour in a people that had forgotten it...a flame of pride that still burns. He also set up an administration so good that is used for Harvard Case Studies today and presided over what historians call the Fourth Golden Age of India.

It is upto us, to take the best of what Chattrapati Shivaji Maharaj stands for and not create a political commodity.

Every year in the monsoon, it inadvertently happens that the dome of his Samaadhi at Raigad is struck by lightning. (Its not even the highest part of the fort with has a metal pinnacle.) The villagers there see this as a bad omen.
On my first visit there, I asked an old guide about this.

He told me, "Its a message from the king, from up there, to stop all the bad things that are going on, or demolish this symbol, since we are anyway destroying everything else that he stands for ".

I don't believe in omens, but an old, illiterate villager on a mountain had hit the nail on the head.

Alienated

2009-02-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

A documentary that I saw this afternoon on NDTV, called 'Manipur', brought back my attention to something I had known for sometime, but of which I had not grasped the magnitude.
I wish to pose a few questions, simple ones. A request to the few readers of this blog to be honest in evaluating themselves about the number of answers known without Googling.

What's the capital of Tripura?or of Manipur
How many other places in these states have you heard of besides their capitals?
Can you name all the North-eastern states?
Does your brain fetch the names of the places from Maharashra, UP, Gujarat,Punjab etc. way faster than these states?
How many people from these states have you been acquainted with?

Here are my answers:

I know the capitals.Agartala and Imphal in that order.
Hardly any.
Yes, but I'd mugged them up in school.
Yes, sadly.
Less than five, have lost contact with all.

Remember the scene from Chak De India? The one in which the Sukhilal character calls the two NE girls 'guests'. That scene sums up the alienation of the people of those seven states from the mainstream.

I used to think that Kashmir is the only state with militancy and separatist strife.
Rather, Kashmir is over hyped. The North East not only has a militancy in every state of its seven, but has multiple militancies in each, continuously fighting each other and the Indian Army. This has been going on for decades. Civil war has put a strain on the people and the army which is unimaginable to us, living in the 'mainland'.
The pain and suffering of those people goes on in a cycle. Separatism-leads to repression-leads to more alienation-leads to more violence- leading to more severe steps by the army.
An eye for an eye, it has made an entire country blind.
It has given rise to things like misuse of power by the armed forces and police, drug addiction in local youth and a host of evils that follow.
Economies of these states are practically non-existent. Vijay Mallya must be spending so much in one party as is the GDP of some states there.
Literacy is high, but that is because of what the Padre did 90 years ago, and not what the Babu and Mantri did in the last 60 years.
Media coverage and tourist appeal has ensured that people have paid attention to Kashmir. It has caught the public eye, lessening their indifference to some extent and so putting the Government under pressure to attempt to make improvements. But not so the North East.

The Chinese and Pakistani intelligence agencies have watered the separatist plants well.
But they are our enemies, and are expected to do that, saying so at the cost of being called Kautilyan.
But the militants of these states, they are our own countrymen! We have planted the seeds which our enemies have watered. How could we have let this happen? How can we ever set this right?
Can we ever?

I don't mean to be a bleeding-heart-idealogue, but how can we ignore this? How can a nation forget a part of itself?
"Punjab Sindh Gujarat Maratha,
Dravida Utkal Banga..."
No mention of the North East.

Blots on Saffron: 0

2009-02-13T00:22:00.000-08:00

There is a simple formula for doing any wrong thing in this world. Just do it in the name of God, Ram Kay Naam, Khuda Kay Liye...whatever. A religious twist to your deed ensures:

1. That you always have an explanation.
2. The State will think(?) twice, thrice about prosecuting you.
3. You will have an army of no good jobless bigots to always help you with the dirty work and to watch your back
4.There is some section of the public who naturally sympathizes with you.

While other religions around the world have all gone through such phases of misuse in which their sacred texts lent themselves to foul interpretations,right since ancient times, similar perversion of the principle faith of India, Hinduism began quite recently. Its roots lie in the British colonial policy of Divide and Rule. However the Saffron right came to the forefront of politics only late in the 20th century.
With more than 83% of the Indian population being followers of mainstream Hinduism, the arrival of the hardline Saffron Right, and their prominence in Indian politics, ought to be a disturbing portent. But it is not being perceived so by the general public, only by the intellectual elite.
That the predominance of any section of the Right, or the Left is hazardous to peace and democracy is beyond debate.
But the Saffron right deserves special attention because, after a closer look it turns out that it poses the second biggest internal security threat.
[The biggest is the Naxalite Movement, while Islamic terrorism is of largely external origin.]

A view of this great enemy of democracy surely is called for.

Wild goose chase: the goose was a comet

2009-02-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

After a long time I went comet-hunting. Last morning I hurriedly went over the Sky and Telescope bulletin about comet Lulin which is visible in Libra currently. The nagging thought of the next day's test and the languor of Sunday morning dimmed my enthusiasm to a degree that the contents of the bulletin all but registered in my brain. But courtesy the holy Baba, I was spurred to see if i could spot the comet in the wee hours.

So off I went to the Baba's place. Riding a motorcycle at 5 AM, when even the stray dogs are too sleepy to chase or bark, is a pleasure that only those who incline slightly towards insanity shall know. As I had almost expected, the Baba was fast asleep. It took 5 calls on the cellphone and a hard knock on the door to break the holy slumber. While he shook away his sleep and woke his mother, I dragged my telescope to the roof of the building.

Disappointment was the word.

The moon was still high, there were clouds and the red haze of the city clung to the horizon, almost creeping to 30 degrees. Let alone the comet, we had a hard time figuring out Libra, which I confused for Corvus, which was barely visible.

After 15 minutes of staring hard at the sky, we finally got Libra and set Zubinelgenubi in sight of the scope.

Then, painstakingly examined each and every little object that was visible near it, for that was where the computerised charts showed the comet would be at that time.

Half an hour of neck breaking, and one object with a hint of tail was spotted. But the tail turned out to be only in my eye.

Then the break of dawn, well, gave us the break. Swearing vengeance at the light pollution we called it a day. (Literally, that's what it was)

Next time it will be the massive 12 inch that will give us the view of the comet. Haze or no haze.Just hope it will be visible by the time the impending exam ends.

Strangest commercial!

2009-01-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of this one commercial that's aired a lot on TV.
Its a hair colour commercial in which a female with coloured hair is talking to her mother (invisible). She extols the virtues of the hair colour to her mother over the phone. Then in the sequel ad she does it over speakerphone.
In the latest version, mommy dearest is somewhere in the house but even less visible than Tom's maalkin in Tom and Jerry.
And the killer line is, the model saying "Just try it mom!"

What is the point of having that invisible mother?? As Shirish Kanekar puts it,
"There is a simple rule to any act. If in the first act of the play, there be a gun hanging on the wall, it MUST be used in the third act."

Use this dictum and you will be able to predict whats gonna happen in 95% of films/ TV shows, language no bar.

But here the mother has served no purpose till date. Why cant the model speak directly to the public like other ads that say stupid things like "Because you're worth it" (meaning, shell out if you want to live)

Im waiting, my sense of cinematics appalled, for the mother to appear one day...70 odd year old granny...with hair coloured in some colour which I did not know existed...and saying to the model, "Say, you're right! this is good, and your dad loves it"

Till then, it remains one of the wierdest and most ROFL inducing ads of all time.
In contest with Dandi Namak, Friendly Wash, Ghadi detergent and other stalwarts.

Yennything Auf Subsdance ?

2009-01-23T06:31:00.000-08:00

I never make prank calls, and I have received only a few, that too from a handful of dear friends.
But I have seldom made any prank calls even to my friends. But my complicity in this latest call cannot be denied, because it was my phone that was used.
But this was one strange prank call, because usually, the victim gets the call. in this case, the victim was the one to call.

Eyewitness report:

Place: Divine steps of Instru, where the noble Baba attained sainthood.
Time: That time of day when lectures and labs are done, but youre not quite free to run to your quarters.
People:(besides yours truly)
Enthu, Sith, and a bunch of people from the astronomy club.

Unfolding of the situation:
To kill the boredom, I took out my phone, and started playing Hotel Keralafonia by the Yeagles

Everyone is laughing their heads off. The final solo starts, and the pitch of the laughter is now high.
Suddenly the song is interrupted by a call.
Its Kadha Girl calling (as in "Complan girl").

Enthu: She interrupted the solo..
[picks up phone]
KadhaGirl: Hello...
Enthu: Haan...AALO [flawless Keralite accent]
KG: Who is this?
Enthu: You, whaat is yer name? You have caalled.
KG: Who is this?
Enthu: Aalo, who is this?

[KG cuts the call. Everyone has a laugh]

Three minutes later...phone rings again. I cut it. Then it rings again, I answer:

Me: Hello...KG, I cut the call by mistake, was typing out an sms.Tell me.
KG: Hey! I called you a few minutes ago and someone else answered the phone.
Me: How can someone else answer my cellphone..
KG: Someone did, a strange man..
Me: I got only two calls from you, one got cut by mistake, the second is this. You must have got wrongly connected.

KG[Pauses]: Ya...maybe [then in the standard female indignation tone] Are you sure it was not you?
Me: I told you. You must have been high on Kadha.
KG: You...

[Laughter...Sith and Enthu are almost ROFL]

Me: Are you sure youre sober ?
KG: [Normal] HAHA...im sober all right...its ok, ill be there in a while.
[Call cut. Lull for a minute]

Now this is where the prank climaxes

Enthu [to one of our bunch]:Dude, gimme your cellphone...ill call KG.
The poor guy obliges,Enthu calls
Enthu[Kerala accent hindi]: AALO...who is this? I got a call from you on my phone.
KG[audibly pissed off]: I meant to call NSM...your number got dialled by mistake.
Enthu[Angry voice]: But who are you? Why have you called?
KG: [Stunned into silence]: weak "yes..."

Now came the masterstroke:

Enthu: Do you have yennything auf subsdance to say? I dont have time for all this you know
[stunned silence on the other end...everyone can hear noise in her background]
Enthu: If you condinue this way, I shall call the Polis I say.

KG finally cuts the call.

Half an hour later she arrives on the scene.

KG: Hey, it wasnt your phone after all, the guy called.
I: Did he? Who was he?
KG: Dunno, sounded like a Keralite from his accent.
I: Oh. That means you were indeed sober.

[KG is on the verge of hitting me now]

Sith[interrupting]: Do you have anything of substance to say?

KG: What?
[Still clueless, she ignores him and starts talking about another topic to another person. By this time Sith is laughing his head off]

Sith[to me]: I gave her such a clue...and this female still does'nt get it! LOL

KG: Why are you all laughing??

Finally the c. was let out of the b. and all had a hearty laugh at KG's expense.
She took it very sportingly, but hid her face when the Sith tried to capture the expression on it. He did actually, but the author withholds that picture for fear of his life. She has sworn vengeance upon us.
Bring it on KG!

MIND IT
I love Kerala and its people. I have had experience of Mallu friends, neighbours, teachers, shopkeepers at home and Kerala's people in general when I visited Kerala and the Gulf. They have been exceptionally nice to me, even my Malayalee classteacher.

I Have A Dream

2009-01-21T08:17:00.000-08:00

Part of the speech made by Martin Luther King, 28th August 1963 at Lincoln Memorial, Washington DC.I saw this on TV last night while Barak Obama was getting ready to take the oath. Seen in context with yesterdays historic event this is a powerful symbol of a democratic nations faith in itself. Obama's swearing in is the fruit of that steadfast faith and the hard work Americans have done to restore Justice and Equality in their 'system'. As that country passes through troubled times, this speech is a powerful reminder of the fact that a united and determined people can overcome all odds:

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

Another man, a few years before King, stood before his countrymen at the stroke of midnight on an ancient fort and reminded them of their "Tryst with destiny" and a promise of freedom, justice and equality. Where do his countrymen stand today?

WTF (W stands for Why)

2009-01-13T21:04:00.000-08:00

WTF?

...does the mind sometimes ruminate over things and analyze them to a ridiculous degree of depth, sometimes using even older events and most naive and funny chains of logic to make certain deductions that lead to an advanced state of alarm,resulting in one saying strange and often vitriolic things to loved people ; a detachment from the present and a strong urge to do anything that would make the brain order more endorphins and body to follow orders, ranging from a hard run to a heavy dose of substance (depending on the person's inclination);or just drown oneself in work to forget one's own self?

...is that sentence so long?

...is there red tape everywhere?

...are we so weak that our women cannot feel safe on the roads after dark?

...does Yamaha put license plates in a position that ruins the aesthetics of its bikes?

...does Murphy's law always have to be correct ?

...do people jaywalk...#%&*@#?

...am I in such a horrible mood?

Haa...it feels so good to rattle off and let off steam!

DISCLAIMER:
This post was written quite some time ago and never meant to be published.But now the author is not alarmed/stressed/ruminating/angry anymore and has calmed down and started chanting
"Om Mani Padme Hum".
This post was published as a snapshot of a turbulent state of mind, a contradiction to the author's popularly perceived image(no...not the one of the mean goon, the other popular one), for the world to laugh at !
Happen to anyone, this could. Wary, you must be.

New Year Cometh

2009-01-01T01:40:00.000-08:00

Here it is, my first post of the Gregorian year 2009 AD...
Actually it is just the urge to write something in the first hour of the new year that makes me write this post. But now that I am at it...here goes: Some random thoughts on the new year

I am not making any new year resolutions, that way I wont end up breaking them and feeling bad when 2010 dawns. (wait...did i just make one??...curses)

Since this is the first new year I have welcomed without any celebration, I will have less difficulty getting back to work tomorrow and in my free time writing stuff that is relevant to people other than myself.

If they see a lone guy walking on the street on new years eve, cops eye him with suspicion ...(walk in a group and you can take a Kalashnikov to the party)

If you enjoy driving more than you enjoy drinking...you are bound to make money on this night, provided you follow the Joker's advice about being good at something.

But why 1st of January? why not Feb, or September?

The episode of Mr.Bean in which he plays host on new year's eve is one of the most hilarious works of Rowan Atkinson.

The next week or two are going to involve a strain on ink and eraser resources used in the correction of dates with '08' in the year column due to errors committed by millions of people.

Hope the year 2009 does not go down in history as the year when the Third World War started.

Happy New Year

No Atyaachaar this...

2008-12-31T21:29:00.000-08:00

The music of Anurag Kashyap's upcoming Dev D has turned out to be full of unusual and new sounds.
Its catchy, moody , varied and like nothing ever made for a Hindi film. I heard all 15 tracks and have developed a new admiration for music director Amit Trivedi who follows up Aamir with Dev D.
"Emotional Atyaachaar" is gonna be the superhit of the new year! The album rocks
Other exceptional tracks are Duniya, Nayan Tarse, and Pardesi
Check it out : http://passionforcinema.com/dev-d-ka-muzic-roz-bajaane-ka/

Hope the movie rocks too...and does'nt turn out to be No Smoking 2

Change is Constant

2008-12-30T08:30:00.000-08:00

Volumes have been said about this fact of life, by all kinds of people. Right from the "Yaha saaraa sansaar maayaa hai" types to the more geekier kind saying "Time derivative of change is zero", everyone has commented on this topic from different perspectives.So what is it that 'yours truly' wishes to add ?
It is about a type of change that is the most important, the most relevant, the most powerful.
It is...Change Itself... chutta, or khulla, or chiller, or whatever it is that you call it in your place of residence.

Does'nt it happen every single time, that when you have only hundred or worse, five hundred buck notes in your pocket (usually something people would like) and you find yourself buying something worth amounts like 7 , 26, 43 or 18.5 bucks and then scouting the world desperately for change?
How many times has the bus conductor or autowallah given you a look of anger and disgust akin to that given by Baloch rebels to US military choppers, just because you failed to tender exact change?
Does Perfetti make more money out of Mentos that are used as a substitute for change or out of Mentos that are bought by people who happen to possess change ?

The answers to these questions show that there is a graver crisis going on than the global economic recession...it is the global Chutta recession.
No one, no one on this planet seems to have any change on them.

And one expects people who earn in particular denominations to have change in that form...but its just the opposite. Autowallahs will have no tenners, chemists will have no hundreds or fifties, roadside vada-pav vendors will say they have no fivers...the list is exhaustive (which means that the author is exhausted with this introduction ).

So to the point...the question of the moment...
WHERE IS THE CHANGE ???

THEORY 1 : Bangladeshi Conspiracy (Told to the author by Boat Club Mama while the former was sipping a post badminton game chai):
Mama's postulate:
"Those Bangladeshi immigrants naa....they do all shitty jobs...beg and all...and collect all the change and melt the coins and send metal to their homeland..."
For: Bangaldesh may be facing a metal shortage and it can't afford to import metal by paying for it and wants to give its army new swords hence this is possible.
Against: Since every physically active Bangladeshi is already in India, it seems unlikely that those people may care so much about the Land of their Ancestors to send hard currency of their adopted country back...just to melt it!

Hence Bangladeshi Conspiracy Theory is rejected.

THEORY 2 : Theory of Constant Change-
Everyone has some change with them. Some have a lot of change with them. But no one spends change. Everyone wants to keep their change with themselves for the time they will really need it. When that time comes they try to avoid paying change by shelling out higher denomination currency and praying that the payee has change on him., and so does not use the change.
By the grace of Lord Murphy this works sometimes and the guy has change( Anomaly introduced by such a person will be analyzed later in this discussion).
But at least one of the two people have kept their change 'Constant'. This brings us to the first postulate of this theory:

"The individual tends to keep the amount of change on his/herself constant under all circumstances"

This postulate can be stastistically proved but follows no distribution of Statistical Mechanics (since no one distributes their chutta).

A study of anomalous cases like the one who shells out chutta leads us to the conclusion that 99% percent of such people part with a small fraction of their own chutta, but in the process keep the system following its law...
Now that they have less chutta, they will not shell out. But someone else has excess chutta now and that person will take the place of the former as restorer of the order of change.

This also leads us to the notion of "Minimum and Maximum Chutta ceofficients" and more advanced topics like "Trends in Belligerence of Vendor Attitudes towards Customers as a Function of Chutta Levels".
However these are beyond the scope of this article (meaning, the author is stoned by sleep and can think no more)

This theory, it is hoped will stand up to scientific analysis. However the practical problem of Chutta Recession looms. Old methods like being considerate, not-miserly and thoughtful have proved useless.
Because they wanted 'change'...Americans voted for Obama...
In India the general elections are next year...lets all vote for chage...lets vote for ChuttaMan ...
He is our only hope.

**[However, till the elections, it is recommended by India TV's very own, Baba Rajasthani..."To solve your chutta problems..every Saturday morning, exactly 2.3458 minutes after you wake up, take exactly one one rupee coin, place a walnut and three peppercorns on it and placing the arrangment on your left hands third finger, 3.2 cm from the tip, sing this mantra 7 times...Chutta man, chutta man, buys whatever that no one else can...can he swing... from a web, no he cant...his hands are full."]

16 December: Forgotten in Red Letters

2008-12-16T06:42:00.000-08:00

16 th December 1971 was a historic day for India. The nation had won its first full scale war after Independence.The wounds that China had inflicted on the Indian confidence were healed. The image before the world of India, which was that of a weak fence-sitter, was shattered, and in no small manner.
The Indian Army had redrawn the map of the world. The Navy had daringly given the cold shoulder to the US Navy, and shattered the Pakistani coast and the Air Force had struck deep inside West and East Pakistan. The Indian public had bravely weathered the hardships of war.
Old timers tell tales of air raid sirens, blackened windows, blackouts, rushing to cover, dreading the impending bombs, which thanks to the IAF, never came down.
The Pakistani Army surrendered with more than 90,000 soldiers going down on their knees. The defeated General Niazi presented his own service revolver to General Jagjit Singh Arora after signing the document of surrender, an ultimate gesture of submission.

But strangely this was never taught to us in school. We had the freedom struggle in std 5, std 8 and again in std 10. Same thing thrice! ?
What about after independence, isn't that history too? One fails to grasp this curricular anomaly.
Even weirder is that the significance of this day was not taught to us by our elders who had lived through this war.
Given the Indian love for festivities and holidays, why this holiday was never declared remains a mystery.This is not about holidays...I don't mind 16 December being a working day...but public commemoration is not just necessary...it is imperative.

I came to know of its significance at age 14, after watching the movie 16 December (nice one)...and so did most of my family(re-learned) and friends.

This is a sad and shameful fact of our time and our nation. What can one say?

Agony and ectasy...riding a bicycle in city traffic

2008-12-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Why agony?

Because cyclists are regarded as 'Pedestrians going faster than they should' by people driving engined vehicles.
Pedestrians think that a bicycle going at 40 kmph is slower than a motorcycle or any engined vehicle at 40kmph.
As a result neither motorists nor pedestrians respect the cyclist and his right of way.
A bicycle can be lifted and carried.
Dry weather apart, perspiration before starting work is not very comfortable.
The cycle lanes are such that no self respecting cyclist would use

Why ectasy?

The feeling of fulfilling your need for speed, under your own muscle power is liberating and exhilarating.
Fulfilling your transportation requirements without depending on faraway Arab nations is awesomely satisfying.
Its fun to challenge bikers and autowallahs! even if one may often end up losing(never against autos though).
A bicycle can be lifted and carried.
Signal lights are not compulsory, albeit following them is good for your bones in the city.
Its reminiscent of good old school days

"Bhaiyya...AK 56 kaisa diya?"

2008-11-29T06:41:00.000-08:00

I'm afraid that is the question we Indians will have to ask the friendly neighbourhood gun vendor soon.
Who will protect the ordinary people of this country ?
The Army has enough of a border to keep themselves not just busy, but overworked.
No use in waiting for the politicians to get the act together.
It is time for the common man to do something.
I feel sick of writing this blog at this moment...for that is all I happen to be doing...venting frustration in words.

Good bad cinema, Desh drohi and Paradise lost!

2008-11-22T02:00:00.000-08:00

There be four kinds of cinema:
Good-good: These are the immortal classics, the films whose original DVD's are worth keeping on your shelf. Films in which everything was done right. Lagaan, Sholay, DCH, Seven Samurai, Judgement Day to name a few (in my opinion).

Bad-bad: These films make you want to jump out of Volvo buses if they happen to be playing during your journey.(Lord Murphy makes sure its always such films)
Rumour has it that they are used by the US government to torture prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.Ram Gopal Verma kay Aag, Karzzzzz, Tashan, Singh is Kinng are fitting examples fresh in memory.

Bad-good: The makers of these films have their hearts in the right place. Thats why the story is generally good and the actors fairly decent, enough for the film to be good. However, sloppy direction, cliches and poor script more often than not ruin such 'could-have-been-hits'.The recently released 'Heroes' is one such film.

and then there are the Good Bad films: Theses can be written about this great genre of cinema. These films typically arise from an idea in a drunk director's head...an idea of only a single scene. Around that scene a script(?) is written (???) and an equally drunk producer roped in. Producer sah'b's little boy/girl gets the lead role and opposite him/her is paired either an artiste who's a regional star but unheard of in Mumbai's hindi industry or one who has fallen on bad times in the Industry and has to clutch at these straws while drowning (let it not be forgotten that such times have been experienced by none other than the Big B too )
There is a music director -lyricist pair, who honestly believe that A.R.Rehman, Gulzar and John Williams fear competition from them.There's a hired camera team and a stoned cinematographer who sometimes gets reflected in one of the characters sunglasses during the film. There is nowadays...an item number thrown in. Since the author does not wish to spoil the palates of those who might be reading this, a description of the item number will be spared.
And most important...theres a villain, who is a hybrid of Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler and Yosemite Sam. There is a dialogue writer who writes lines cheesy enough to be Dominoes' cheif supplier.
There are lines like:
"Jaisa ki ham jaante hain, hamaree organisation ka maksad hai, garib deshon ko apna ghulam banana"

"Tumhari maut ne tumhe yahaan telegram se bulaya hai"

"Pakistan ka gunda paise ke liye maar sakta hai, Hindustaan ka gunda Desh ke liye mar sakta hai"

When you combine all this...you get a film that is so bad...that its good.

Just laughing at the sheer nonsense that the entire exercise turns out to be is enough to make the sturdiest of sides burst. The lines, the situations, may be far from comic, but the implementation turns out to be a laugh riot.
These films are best enjoyed with a group of friends, heckling all the way.

Some classics of this genre: Watan ke Rakhwaale(personal favourite), Jaani Dushman-Ek anokhi kahani, Ganga tere desh main, Big-Brother, Dhund- The Fog, Don-number 1,all Mithun films from the Ooty era, bhojpuri films... the list is too long for a blog post.

for a sample check this out

Desh Drohi:
This one was the most awaited film of the year as far as connoisseurs of good bad cinema were concerned.
Introducing - Kamal R Khan (KRK) as the dashing hero who emerges as the champion of the 'Uttar bhartiyas' after quoting Savarkar, beating up Non-Nirman Sena activists with a 'doodhi' (no kidding) . KRK also happens to be the producer of this film. He hopes that the success of this film will make the 'bhajiwala bhaiyya look ' most popular among tinsel town actors (which consists of Lalu Prasad hairstyle and a moustache fit to make Anil Kapoor of the eighties seem stylish)
Opposite KRK is Gracy Singh...who was the female lead in superhit classics like Lagaan and Munnabhai MBBS. One wonders what caused this fall from gracey.

If the trailers of Desh Drohi on tv and the posters all over Mumbai are something to go by...there are all of the aforementioned features of a typical GBM in this film, promising to make this an unforgettable cinematic experience.

I really wanted to see this one, and so did those of my friends who also happen to be GBM afficiondos...but the NonNirman sena had other plans...it got the movie banned in the state.
Now I plan to go to Gujarat in the vacations to catch this film.( Hope the annual communal riots don't break out there.)

Paradise Lost:
Since the stones were ground for its mortar, Paradise Cinema in Mahim has been THE place for the best of good bad films. Since it happens to be near my aunts home, which is my second home in the city, I have been witnessing the posters of classics that have run at this theater for as long as I can remember...although I never had the permission to go in and watch a movie in "that dirty theater " as my mom put it
. But I kept a track of the movies showing there. Sometimes it would be a Bhojpuri gem like 'Sajanva Bairi Bhaile Hamaar' and a typical good bad movie like 'Kanti Shah's -Gunda'.

Every afternoon and evening, the migrant-labourer crowd could be seen floating in and out of this single screen Paradise. The Rs 30 ticket, alongwith a few rupees worth of paan-beedi being most probably the greatest indulgence of their hand to money order existence, their faces would have a distant satisfaction on them, as if they had actually had a visit to Paradise.

So when I stepped out of the bus at Sitladevi, while on a visit to my aunt's place, I expected to see KRK pointing a gun at me from the huge poster. I gave an audible gasp as I saw, instead of KRK, Priyanka Chopra !
Fashion was showing at Paradise!
A bigger surprise awaited me as I got closer...it was not Paradise theater anymore...it was E-square Paradise(yes E-square of Pune fame, its down to this now)
Gone were the simple posters, the old cast iron sign saying 'Paradise' replaced by a neon sign.
The old building was now an all slick and polished glass facade cinema.
And most importantly, gone was the old crowd, and so the Rs 30 ticket rate...a look at the charts told me that a movie here would put one back by at least a hundred bucks.
The popcorn outside was itself Rs. 30.

While the residents of the surrounding area might have greeted this as a welcome change, my heart really goes out to those labourers and all lovers of good bad cinema.
Those residents can afford to watch movies in IMAX , but the labourers have lost one spot from where they could escape the drudgery of their hard lives and get a small glimpse of the roots they left so far behind.

I have nothing against multiplexes or multiplex chains (except that they are overrated, indulge in daylight robbery, serve food of airline quality at sky high prices, and their managers are least accesible when you have a complaint), but I was saddened and outraged at the takeover of paradise.
As one of the red comrades would put it: "It is another blow by the capitalist, imperialistic multiplex culture over the proletariat".

Getting messed up!

2008-11-06T05:56:00.000-08:00

I am a master at the Art of Getting Myself Messed-Up Big-Time. But this time on I have outdone myself!
Submission season (more on this divine season later) has started and every thing that can possibly go wrong with a student of technology during this time is going wrong.
(even my net was down for two days)
I do not wish to gain so much finesse at the aforementioned art that my grades go down. Hence I keep this post short and sweet(?).
A detailed discussion on the art and a heart rending narration of my woeful tale shall follow the exams...if I survive that is.

Harishchandragad: Once more

2008-11-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

So it was, after two months in the urban jungle since my last hike, that a fortunate pre Diwali weekend gave me the chance to go to Harishchandragad once more. Once I had confirmed it on the calendar, I quickly roped in the usual gang over the phone and the plan was made.

Once a plan for a hike is made…each day in the city translates into mental (and physical )torture. But it was soon over and before I knew it I was back I Mumbai and packing my sack for the next morning.

Saturday:

Decibel’s ‘Naagin’ woke me (and also the entire household) at 315 hrs. Half an hour later, I hailed a cab which was luckily waiting just outside my building gate!

“Dadar station” I said to the sleepy driver.

“Nahi sahib…airport jaana hai...phone kar ke bulaya hai”

“15 minute lagenge boss…chal ke vaapis aiye na”

“Baitho” he relented

Meter down and off at top speed he dropped me to the station at 400 hrs sharp!

Albeit I was expecting the gang at the ticket counter…I was not surprised to be the first to arrive. The ticket counter was yet to open and so I stood waiting.

Fifteen minutes later the gang arrived…cut down to five from the originally planned nine. Myself, Andy, the Lagu-bandhu, Munna and Mr. Shix

We lost no time in buying the tickets and boarded the 4:22 Karjat local!

Imagine…planning for 430 Kalyan and catching the 422 train! Treason with Girivihar!

We were in Kalyan by 600 and a wada-paav and chai later…caught a red ST going towards Alephata. Apparently the driver had confused the red of his bus with that of the Ferrari’s and was driving as if he were vying to be Massa'a successor in the team. That combined with the icy wind made it a very exciting ride...made even better by the view of the massif of the Sahyadri running parallel to the highway

The very sight of the mountains removed all sleep. Thanks to the driver we alighted at Khubi at 830 hrs.

Khubi is a hamlet on the highway enroute to Alephata. It lies in the centre of a huge meadow on a plateau that begins just after the highway ascends the ghat. With the highway running from east to west, Harishchandra is to the North of Khubi. The meadow is bounded on all sides by the mountains and presents a picture fit for a postcard.

From Khubi...(after a call home and awful bhaji purchased zealously by Andy)...we set off at 9 through the meadow on the five km walk to the base of the mountain where lies another sleepy hamlet, Khireshwar.

Our pace was slow...all were just busy staring at the massif and Munna was preoccupied in picking up little crabs and bugs along the trail.
Due to this laziness we reached Khireshwar not a second before 10 and the sun was getting hot.
This spurred us into action. After a quick darshan at the ancient temple at Khireshwar whose picture adorns the Bandhus' home, we went into high gear

The respectably steep path through the jungle that started from Khireshwar provided an exhilarating but relatively uneventful climb, Tolar Khind showing itself between the trees occassionally...and except for the presence of a huge spidey and a little confusion between two paths which was solved without much of a hassle, there was no great incident.
And so we were resting in the cool breeze at Tolar Khind within two and a half hours later accompanied by another group, of six trekkers, who had come from Dombivli .
Afraid of losing our favourite camping spot, we started off from there while they were eating their lunches.
Since no one in our now-curtailed group was a newbie...we were up the rock face (which is not as scary as some pics would make one think and has ample carved steps and some useless 'rails') pretty fast...and up on the Gad at 1400!
Ahead lay a longish walk over the small hillocks which dominate the top of this massive mountain fort.
It had got really hot by then and so we stopped for lunch at the very next brook and spent a lazy half hour there! Allowing the Dombivli guys, and a father-son duo to overtake us...and cursing ourselves (thinking that the fort was bound to be crowded).

A homecoming:
Continuing our walk on the beautiful top of the Gad, which was covered with yellow and green grass, dotted with fields of yellow flowers straight out of a Yash Chopra movie and the rare Karvi (still in bloom), we did not realize how close we were to the Harishchandreshwar temple when it suddenly showed its ancient stone head, jutting out from the cave complex where it had been carved!
It was a feeling of homecoming...after a year and we half ran the rest of the distance to the complex.
First thing we did was to partake of the divine water that is perpetually present in the temples underground rock cisterns. It took away the whatever little fatigue we felt.

Chaha, music and Kokan kada:
Fearing the winter cold the groups which had outrun us had taken shelter in the caves nestled in the slope of the peak Taramati, overlooking the temple...leaving the entire complex to us!
With cellphones retaining only one use with the network gone, there was good music too!
Rest of the afternoon passed in pure leisure. Then three of us waited and made tea while three visited the Kada...the eighth wonder of the world, this mountain's chief attraction.
When they returned (spellbound) it was quarter an hour to sunset...and no one in his right senses would want to miss sunset at the Kada
So we ran...me , Munna and Laguba Jr. to the kada...and got there in eight minutes flat!

(Running on top of Harishchandragad is a most liberating experience. Strongly recommended!)

Reaching the kada...we did the usual stuff, drool over its awesomeness...take pics and enjoy the sunset and chat with the other trekkers there.

(Here the author pauses to meditate on the awesomeness of the kada)

There was no wind though, this time...but that allows you to venture closer to the edge of the Kada without fear of losing your balance.

By the time we reached camp the stars were out and Jupiter and Venus dominated the sky, with Sagi bright too. Very soon the most excellent night sky i have ever seen manifested itself in all splendour.
I have never seen the belt of the milky way so clearly, nor have I ever seen so many faint clusters so clearly.
Words are hopelessly inadequate to give a picture of that sky...and so was the ability of my camera too.

The temperature and the wind made us realize why people had gone to the caves...but our sleeping bags and a few shawls proved more than enough to protect us during the night.

After a great dinner of hot soup and Maggi (:P) we chatted away aimlessly, staring at the heavens all along. Orion was just rising when we finally decided to try to sleep.

Sunday:

The most peaceful nights sleep i'd had in a long time ended at 500 hrs. With the rest if the gang still in dreamland... i took a stroll on the mountain for some time...after which I went back and surrendered to the warmth of my bag again.

All were up and ready by the time it was a humanly hour to be awake. Munna volunteered to stay in camp while the rest of us went to climb Taramati.

Again...laziness which forced us to start out late gave us little time on Taramati and we were back in camp by 1100.

The most boring and heartbreaking part of the trek started...breaking camp and leaving.

Setting out at noon with the scorcher exactly on top...we scrambled down pretty fast...to the rock face in 45 mins, down it another careful 45, and down the mountain and in Khireshwar in another hour!

Limbu sarbat at "Hotel Aishwarya" in the village(which is an extension of the proprietor's humble abode) refreshed us for the walk to Khubi.

Somewhere in the meadow we took a wrong turn and went off course...but with the highway and the tin sheets of Khubi, shining in the sun constantly visible, we trudged on and caught a passing ST to Kalyan...bringing us back to reality.

All in all a fantastic hike...one that will keep me alive through a month of exam fever. Great climbing, beautiful views, great weather, and redemption:

(last time I set out to climb Harishchandra, i was completely unfit and so was exhausted by the time we reached the top...this time there was absolutely not fatigue...not while climbing, nor after..yaaay! )

While catching the return ST at Khubi, all made a promise to Harishchandragad.."I'll be back(hopefully by Nalichi Vaat )"

More pics:

Outsiders? What outsiders?

2008-10-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

"People are coming from other states and taking up jobs here! We must chase these outsiders away!"
So say my friends, my parents and many members of my Maharashtrian family.
That is why they covertly or overtly admire the man who has been all over the news lately. Yes...the cartoonist who wears white.

So people are coming from other states...so what?
Are they all not Indian?
Are they not sons of the same soil?
What is this talk about insiders and outsiders?

The day The Union of India was created...the day people of a thousand different cultures united to create one Nation...that day, did we not give up the right to say- "This is my land,that there is yours"?
And we gave it up voluntarily, as four hundred million people, did we not?

Did we not pledge in school, every single day,"...all Indians are my brothers and sisters"?
Does that oath hold no value...which one does then?

Today the number is a billion. We ought to share space more readily than ever.
Unfortunately the opposite is happening.

Should we go back to being the multitude of independent states that we once were?
Has conquest, a hundred years of foreign oppression and sixty years of partition and war taught us nothing?

Think of the men who gave their lives, to protect the freedom and integrity of the union. Does their blood carry no significance any more?

Is your local language more important to you, or is the Nation that lets you speak, write and conduct business in it?

Kashmir, Assam, Punjab, Manipur, Tripura, Nagaland, Mizoram...all burn with insurgency, fuelled by foreigners (those who were once our own countrymen, and also those who called us 'bhai')
The south and the east, burn in Naxalite fires and Hindu-Christian riots.
Gujarat's legacy of communal bloodshed cannot be forgotten.
Bomb blasts were once yearly, then became monthly and most recently became daily events!
Everywhere the powder keg, created by our own inherent bigotry , invisibly built up by upbringing...was always there and is ever growing.

Madness is like gravity. All that is needed is a little push.

Somewhere the push is language and jobs, elsewhere it is religion and alienation still elsewhere.

If you have had enough of patriotic emotions. Consider cold practicality:
If a house is on fire, should the occupants try to escape and put out the blaze together or should they fight over the TV remote?

But if base instinct is what rings the bell in your head:
What is preferable...Biharis taking jobs in Mumbai or Bangladeshis?

One just needs to think to find the right answer.

Wonder of a day!

2008-10-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

And to the heavens...a bat is raised!

he walks to the crease...wild cheering follows
15 runs away from a mile stone
one by one the balls come, his bat answers them all

and then...the ball that decides...
silence during the run up, silence as the ball flies toward the master
a billion bated breaths

a flick of the bat...a glide to the third man
and it is done!

a thunderous roar, a nation celebrating!
tricolours waving everywhere...
forgetting all crises in the moment

and he takes of his helmet
eyes close in an unfathomable emotion

and to the heavens...a bat is raised

In case you did not know or figure out yet:

Sachin Tendulkar achieved the world record for most runs in Test cricket today and his 50th half century pushed India to a commanding 311 for five wickets at stumps on the first day of the second Test against Australia.

Tendulkar started the innings needing 15 to overtake former West Indies captain Brian Lara's tally of 11,953. His upbeat 88 from 111 balls moved him to 12,027 runs at an average of 54.17.

Ganguly was more patient than Tendulkar, reaching his 35th half century in 100 balls and hitting four boundaries in his unbeaten 54 and
passed 7,000 runs when he square-drove Johnson for two and moved to 40.

Gambhir too made his 7th test 50.

Great going! hope it continues

Old horses? Still fast
Sachin and Dada have once more shown that the Force within them is not yet spent (unlike some hairstyle changing-part time acting bikers who play for the team when they feel they don't need 'rest', and their supporters would like to believe).
Dada leaves after this series...and Sachin will stick around to shatter some more records. But no one can play forever...and unless we find proper replacements for such players...not just equals in talent, but equals in spirit...the team will not be complete.

200 up!

2008-09-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

So after long negotiations, deliberations over the effectiveness of two wheeled vehicles, that lasted over a month and a 'bike or bicycle' ultimatum, I finally persuaded my folks to forget about a car and let me settle for a bike.
Another slow and u-turn filled month later I finally got my bike...a shiny new Yamaha Gladiator RS. 125 cc, 11 bhp, 5 speed gearbox, disc brakes...i could go on!
I spent the next ten days learning to ride a geared bike (an account of those turbulent negotiations and of how this funny situation came upon me is another story for another post)
I rode my bike in the tumultuous Pune traffic for the first time when my exams started (as usual), and started regular use.
And today morning at a traffic signal, I suddenly noticed that I had clocked 200 km!
200 is nothing, absolutely nothing (and relatively too).

It's one small milestone for a guy, one step towards not having Khardung-La returned people (who never had to negotiate like I did) laughing at his distance counter!

To the sheer amusement of a rickshaw-wallah pulled up beside me at the signal I took this pic.

Another significant zero shall be added soon.

Tears at Wall Street, copy to Dalal Street

2008-09-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

The American subprime mortgage crisis is causing sleepless nights for investors around the globe.
With US markets ending in the red for three days straight, following the bankruptcy plea of Lehman Brothers and takeover of Meryl Lynch, Indian markets are following suit with both BSE and NSE down.
Again we see how deeply dependent on the US economy we are.
If people are to be believed and the US economy is indeed n a state of decline, what greater nightmares are to come?

When will India cease to be dependent on the American economic powerhouse?
Can it become the next economic superpower?

Certainly troubling questions

Terror Template

2008-09-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

Since the national security system has shown its competence once again and this month's blasts have been hosted by New Delhi, the tired newspaper-wallahs have created a template for bomb blasts.
Since they have become monthly events now.
Here's a sample:

Terror Strikes Again

Terrorists have yet again shattered the peace of our cities with [] serial blasts rattling the city of [] and displayed their will and reach.

Yesterday [] blasts ripped through crowded areas of [] one after the other timed minutes apart from each other. [] people have been reported dead and []

injured. All the blasts took place in crowded market areas, following the pattern of the previous few months.

The injured were rushed to the nearby <>hospitals where facilities were strained to the limit.

The forensic reports show the use of ammonium nitrate mixtures and nuts and bolts and nails as shrapnels. The bombs were placed on bicycles abandoned at the locations.

RDX is also being suspected.

[ []organization with help from Pakistan is suspected.

No organization has claimed responsibility yet.]

[Indian Mujahideen have sent an email to the Police and news channels after hacking the wifi network of [], aged[],from[]. Police have questioned him/her []

Security has been jacked up in all major cities. Mumbai is on high alert.

Chief minister of [],[] and Union Home Minister Shivraj Patil, while condemning the blasts, have appealed to the people to stay calm and help the state in this difficult time and not panic.

Prime Minister has called and emergency meeting at New Delhi and has strongly condemned the blasts.

A special team CBI team has been deputed to the blast sites.

The ATS of [] state police have detained[] , a prime suspect within hours of the blasts.

A compensation of one lakh for the dead and 50000 for the wounded has been announced.

US president [], ambassador[] have condemned the blasts. The Pakistani ambassador[] also called them a dastardly act against humanity.

The right wing parties[] and[] have called for a strong anti terror law like POTA .

The government has called for a Federal agency creation.

Muslim leaders have called the act ‘An assault in humanity perpetuated by people without a religion’.

It is hoped that the investigation will lead to a fast arrest of the culprits and prevent further incidents like this.

Nice na? Just fill in the blanks and send to press!

Alive I am.

2008-09-11T05:35:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I last had the time ^ inclination to blog (note the use of conjunctive connector).
But hey! its exam time and I am brimming with creativity and eloquence...so back again I am

Worship of Imperfection

2008-05-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning and I am just back from a short ride.
At a traffic signal I noticed a man in a Mercedes S class buy a strand of limbu-mirchi from an urchin at the signal. Observing more closely I saw that almost all vehicles at the signal were sporting shiny new limbu-mirchi (lemon-chilli) strands, and the urchins doing brisk business.
My modest vehicle notwithstanding, one of them offered me a strand (five rupees only) which I politely turned down. Giving me a look of disgust, the guy carried on with his sales.
Must be their weekly program, I thought to myself. The new observations also opened my eyes to the sheer number of crushed lemons from last week, lying on the streets…what trash…what a waste of lemon juice in this summer!
If I ever earn enough to buy myself a Mercedes, I would certainly not spoil its beauty with that ...thing. Heck... you don’t even need a Merc - even an Omni is beautiful to its owner- to not want to spoil its beauty.

I am aware of the reason behind this purposeful defacement…but I don’t get it.
My grandmother, a extremely pious lady says "An imperfection is necessary to ward off evil powers"

A lemon cant ward off the mortal who can squeeze the hell out of it…how can it ward off “Evil Powers”? ( chillies in a powdered form are at least used to ward off rouge elephants in Kerala ).

I wake up to a harsh truth today…our Indian society is obsessed with imperfection.
Lemons and chillies on cars, marks of carbon black on the faces of new-borns, horrendous looking ogre masks on house doors, are just the tip of the iceberg.

The famously superstitious film industry has a most interesting method of hanging limbu-mirchis.
The most imaginative, expertly coordinated, well shot action scene ends with an explosion whose graphics remind you of the 70’s. (In the 70’s they’d have reminded you of even more archaic movies.)
That’s what is called a limbu-mirchi scene. If you watch Hindi films ardently you will notice this.

Funny, isn’t it?
On the surface its just a silly superstition…but inside its an attitude, which says that imperfection is ‘okay’…even good, and all will be hunky-dory.

Is that why, despite all our resources, material and human, we haven’t caught up with the Japs and Germans who pride themselves on ‘Perfect Engineering’ and ‘Ideal Nation Building’.

If you think about it, the humble limbu-mirchi suddenly looks more threatening to humans than it is, supposedly, to ‘Evil Spirits’

Creative Destruction

2008-05-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

The Jaipur bomb blasts were followed by shocking pictures of the bomb which was defused by the police.'Experts' brought in by the media started raving about how the intelligently designed the bomb was and how deadly was its 'sharpnel' (not expected this error from ndtv) , reflecting the use of latest and sophisticated technology by the terrorists.

Big deal...application of technology for war...for killing and defending is its oldest application.

The human brain works in the weirdest of ways to devise newer and better ways to kill.
I found this article that shows just how weird.

Slaps and Cheers

2008-04-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

The 'morality' brigade is at it again...this time their victims are the cheerleaders from the IPL.
But for a change i feel that they are right...but for the wrong reasons...in much the same way one sometimes ends up solving a math problem with a wrong method but manages to get the right answer.
It is no secret that the people love the cheerleaders and no one has a problem with the cheergirls ...least of all the politicians who 'oppose' them. Their have set up a committee to 'review' (ahem) whether the cheerleaders are really vulgar or not.Slow as our bureaucracy is...it becomes slower when it happens to involve scrutiny of tapes of Washington Redskins (whoever named them must have been a poor judge of colour) gyrating wildly.
Sad to see that all things the people love get caught up in a pawar struggle(the spelling isn't as wrong as it looks).

But let me elaborate why i think the cheergirls are unnecessary.

On the first IPL match there was a guy in the crowd flaunting a banner that said:
"im here to see the dancing girls & not for cricket"

That guy deserved to be kicked out of the stadium. Because of him a true cricket fan could not get a ticket since he had the ill fortune of being behind this guy in the ticket queue. I wonder how many more such people were seated in the stadium who were not so outspoken about their real purpose.

True cricket fans will agree that cricket does not need cheer leaders to draw in crowds...at least not in India where people go to great heights (literally) to watch cricket matches...thats why they were never used before this.The day cricket is forced to resort to this,that day will see the death of the great game.
So its better we keep our focus on the game.

For our banner-totting friend...i would suggest any recent hindi movie.

Harbhajan Singh is at his 'slap-stick' antics once again...now he's had it. Aussies are behaving so well and Harbhajan behaves like this! Shame to the nation he brings.

The Frankenstein monster was actually a nice guy.

2008-04-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

This is a joke i read yesterday:

A guy takes a cab to work and after some time taps the driver's shoulder to ask him a question...when the cabbie is shocked and veers out of control...and just barely manages to regain control.
"Dont you ever do that again " says the shaken driver.
"I didnt know it would scare you so much...sorry"

"Its not your fault actually, sir...its my first day today
I have been driving a funeral van for the last 5 years"

Thats funny but it brings me to think on a rather strange note...
is a dead guy coming back to life so scary??

I mean...the guy was alive once upon a time and had nothing about himself to scare people out of their wits.
Then he died. So hes harmless
Now he is alive once again.
So where does the scary part come in?
The guy was harmless when he was alive, harmless when he was dead and harmless he should remain if you think clearly.
True...returning from the dead is uncanny but what motivation does he have to turn into a bloodthirsty monster?

All this hinges on nonsense but think about it hard enough ...it just might start making sense.
You can surely give it a try if you have enough time like me to blog about irrelevant topics.